Washington Wizards resident idiot Gilbert Arenas is at it again, this time lying about an injury to skip out of a preseason game.

Arenas says he did it to allow Nick Young a chance to start, but what really matters here is how Wizards head coach Flip Saunders handled this. And here's Saunders' response:

“I said to him that I’m most disappointed personally, because I believe in him,” Saunders said. “There’s been a trust factor. I told him, ‘You’re going to have to be honest with me.’ It’s just like dealing with your kids. Your kids make mistakes and you deal with them. It doesn’t mean you love them any less.”

As Rogers Cadenhead of SportsFilter said, "Is there a better quote than that to sum up the modern role of an NBA coach as a doormat with a clipboard? We've come a long way since the days of Red Auerbach."

For purposes of illustration, we've posted below an actual-size mock-up of Flip's balls:

. .

Enjoy your season, Coach.

2010 Week Four Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-6
Against The Spread: 7-7
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-670

2010 Week Five Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-6
Against The Spread: 7-7
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-670

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 45-33
Against The Spread: 32-40-5
Lock of the Week: 1-4
Trifecta: 0-5
Money: $-3,060

2010 Week 4 Money Spent: $20
2010 Week 4 Money Made: $0
2010 Season Money Spent: $45
2010 Season Money Made: $0
2010 Total: $-45

The Hoser and staff are on vacation this week in the U.S., where we've been paying 10% tax on stuff in St. Louis. Hey, you know, for 3% more you could have your health care covered!

We'll catch up on how terrible we are later in the week. Enjoy the Canadian Thanksgiving even if you ain't lucky enough to be Canadian, and remember -- using these pick to wager actual money is advisable as stuff a balloon full of marijuana up your ass to hide the heroin you already put there.

Denver (+7) at BALTIMORE (39.5): We're always hesitant to see a touchdown dog at Baltimore because you never know when the Ravens won't break double-digits themselves. Ravens 19, Broncos 13.
Jacksonsville (+1.5) at BUFFALO (41): Bill Cowher to the Jags' courtesy phone. Jaguars 23, Bills 20.
Kansas City (+7) at INDIANAPOLIS (45): So much for being undefeated. Colts 27, Chiefs 17.
St. Louis (+3) at DETROIT (42.5): This line is a measure of how far the Rams have come this season. Or it's a measure of how far the Lions haven't gone. Lions 21, Rams 20.
Atlanta (-3) at CLEVELAND (41.5): Yeah, the Browns won, but Betty White is still hotter in Cleveland. Falcons 21, Browns 17.
Tampa Bay (+6.5) at CINCINNATI (38): "Welcome to the Chad Ochocinco Sexy Cereal Hotline. Press 1 if you want to talk to one of our hot ladies. Press 2 if you want to chat with a hunky guy. And if you are a member of the Bengals, hang up and get the %&^$# back in the film room after losing to the Browns." Bengals 23, Buccaneers 14.
Chicago (+1.5) at CAROLINA (33): Mike Martz has to play Todd Collins at quarterback this week, which is likely to lead to another Collins -- Tom. Bears 19, Panthers 14.
Green Bay (-2.5) at WASHINGTON (44.5): Forget a rabbit's foot -- Washington has had the whole warren in its pocket so far just to be 2-2. Packers 24, Racists 17.
New York Giants (+3) at HOUSTON (47.5): Eli Manning has made more ill-advised passes than Lawrence Taylor lately. Texans 26, Giants 20.
New Orleans (-7) at ARIZONA (44): Not even Kurt could save these dudes now. Saints 30, Cardinals 17.
San Diego (-6) at OAKLAND (45): Fantasy football owner alert -- start Charger running back Mike Tolbert this week, as the Raider defense gives up ground like a French army. Chargers 28, Raiders 17.
Tennessee (+7) at DALLAS (42): It's supposed to be all in fun, but how many homeless people could the Cowboys have fed with the tab Dez Bryant got stuck with? Hell, how many could they have housed? Cowboys 22, Titans 17.
Philadelphia (+3) at SAN FRANCISCO (38): In a recent poll in Philly, fans said they trusted BP in the Gulf more than Kevin Kolb under center. Still, the 49ers seem about as functional as that IKEA desk we built last year (if any one needs spare screws and dowels, we seem to have a bagful). Eagles 23, 49ers 20.
Minnesota (+4) at NY JETS (39): You know what would be awesome? If every time the Vikings tried to send the overhead view of the defense to Brett Favre on the sidelines, the Jets instead sent copies of the junk pictures he sent to Jen Sterger. Jets 22, Vikings 17.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay

Trifecta: Green Bay, Philadelphia, Houston

Welcome to Week Four of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we know Kansas City defensive end Shawn Smith has the balls to play in this league – we just don’t know if they’re his.

We were a dart-throwing 8-8 against the spread and managed to do exactly the same straight up, which is pretty tough considered we picked two upsets. Of course, Washington blew our Lock, our Trifecta and every goat between St. Louis and the nation’s capital on the way home.

Ben Roethlisberger had been spotted around Heinz Field a week early, but much to his disappointment, the “Steelers Think Pink” drive in October turned out to be a league-wide initiative in support of breast cancer awareness. Better luck next time, Ben.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as asking any Cowboy except Dez Bryant to pick up the check.

Denver (+6.5) at TENNESSEE (41.5): Broncos fans are wondering if Tim Tebow might be the answer to Denver’s rushing woes, but we’re not sure even Jesus* himself could do much with this offensive line.
*Note: by Jesus we mean, of course, Barry Sanders. Titans 30, Broncos 20.

Baltimore (+1.5) at PITTSBURGH (34.5): The Steelers can’t go 4-0 with two different back-ups, can they? Ravens 19, Steelers 17.

Cincinnati (-3) at CLEVELAND (38): It’s not really a battle. It’s more like The Slapfight Of Ohio. Bengals 22, Browns 17.

Detroit (+14.5) at GREEN BAY (45.5): The Lions have lost 19 games in a row to the Packers in Wisconsin – but we don’t think moving the game to Mars would make much difference. Packers 31, Lions 14.

Carolina (+13.5) at NEW ORLEANS (45): The Saints signed kicker John Carney this week. It’s nice to see someone out there is willing to hire the elderly. Saints 30, Panthers 17.

San Francisco (+6.5) at ATLANTA (42): The Falcons come steaming into this game after dropping New Orleans, while the 49ers, well, their type of steaming is usually associated with tightly coiled piles. Falcons 24, 49ers 17.

Seattle (-1.5) at ST. LOUIS (38): We’d rather watch a PBS telethon – even the ones with the damn doo-wop special playing over and over. Seahawks 23, Rams 20.

New York Jets (-5) at BUFFALO (37): There’s your plan, Bills fans – Ryan Fitzpatrick! Jets 20, Bills 19.

Indianapolis (-8.5) at JACKSONVILLE (46.5): There’s your plan, Jags fans – Trent Freaking Edwards! Colts 26, Jaguars 17.

Houston (-3.5) at OAKLAND (44): Is it possible Janikowski roofied himself last week? Texans 23, Raiders 17.

Arizona (+8) at SAN DIEGO (46): Forget bringing back Warner – the Cardinals are down to trying to get Steve Pisarkiewicz on the phone. Chargers 27, Cardinals 13.

Washington (+6) at PHILADELPHIA (42.5): Donovan McNabb said he expects more cheers than boos in his return to Philadelphia. We had no idea the pot was so good in Washington. Eagles 24, Racists 20.

Chicago (-4) at NEW YORK GIANTS (44.5): We know it must be tough to be the coach of the Giants in New York right now, but don’t you think Tom Coughlin looks like that even on Christmas morning? Bears 23, Giants 21.

New England (-1) at MIAMI (45): Brandon Marshall better be careful. Given the size of Shannon Sharpe’s mouth, we’re pretty sure he could swallow Marshall whole. Patriots 24, Dolphins 20.

Lock of the Week: Tennessee

Trifecta: Tennessee, Atlanta, Houston

2010 Week Three Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-8
Against The Spread: 8-8
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-480

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 29-19
Against The Spread: 18-26-5
Lock of the Week: 1-2
Trifecta: 0-3
Money: $-1,720

2010 Week 3 Money Spent: $15
2010 Week 3 Money Made: $0
2010 Season Money Spent: $25
2010 Season Money Made: $0
2010 Total: $-25

The format will stay as it has been – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta (6:1 odds) and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Welcome to Week Three of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we’re lower than a realtor’s take-home pay in Detroit.

In what might have been the worst week in Hoser history, we stumbled to an awful 4-10-2 record against the spread. We also missed the Lock, all three Trifecta games and we would have missed the ground had we fallen off our back deck. You know your picks are awful when you’re glad to see pushes. At least we were 10-6 straight up. Yay.

It’s not the NFL, but The Hoser’s best wishes go out to Michigan State head coach Mark Dantonio on his recovery from a heart attack. It happened after the Spartans shocked Notre Dame with a fake field goal to win in overtime. At least it’s easily explainable – how could there be any blood anywhere else in Dantonio’s body with a set of balls that big?

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as hiring Steven Tyler to judge someone’s ability to sing.

Tennessee (+3) at NY GIANTS (42.5): Win or lose, at least New York fans know they’ll have a chance at taking home a helmet. Giants 20, Titans 19.

Buffalo (+14) at NEW ENGLAND (42.5): For a guy who graduated from Harvard, you’d think Ryan Ritzpatrick would be smart enough to get the hell away from the Bills. Patriots 31, Bills 10.

Cleveland (+10.5) at BALTIMORE (37): Cleveland’s front office reportedly made a call to the Eagles inquiring about QB Kevin Kolb. That makes sense, as it would probably take a concussion before anyone would want to play for the Browns. Ravens 22, Browns 16.

Pittsburgh (-2.5) at TAMPA BAY (33): The Bucs are 2-0, but we’re pretty sure Kordell Stewart could come back and keep the Steelers undefeated. Steelers 23, Buccaneers 13.

Cincinnati (-3) at CAROLINA (38): Poor Jimmy Clausen. The Panther receiving corps – “The Situation” is deeper. Bengals 22. Panthers 14.

Atlanta (+4) at NEW ORLEANS (50): We haven’t seen a leg as floppy as Reggie Bush’s since we accidently rented that John Holmes compilation. Saints 28, Falcons 20.

San Francisco (-2.5) at KANSAS CITY (36.5): The Hoser has a 100-1 $10 ticket on the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl – a common side effect of all those free drinks in Vegas. Chiefs 17, 49ers 16.

Detroit (+10.5) at MINNESOTA (42): The Vikings are 0-2, Brett Favre threw three picks last week and in a press conference he said, “I have to be better.” He actually said that. Vikings 24, Lions 17.

Dallas (+3) at HOUSTON (47.5): The Texans look strong, the Cowboys are stumbling ... and that’s a perfect recipe for a reversal. Cowboys 29, Texans 24.

Washington (-3.5) at ST LOUIS (38): The Rams have been close both weeks, but Washington is more than a field goal better, even on the road. Racists 26, Rams 13.

Philadelphia (-3) at JACKSONVILLE (44.5): If it means we’re bad people because we still can’t root for a team led by Michael Vick, so be it. Eagles 24, Jaguars 20.

Indianapolis (-5.5) at DENVER (48): The Broncos have a cornerback named Perrish Cox. And here we already made our John Holmes joke for the week. Colts 30, Broncos 17.

San Diego (-5.5) at SEATTLE (44): Week One, Seahawks fans? We hope you have it on your DVR. Chargers 24, Seahawks 17.

Oakland (+4) at ARIZONA (39.5): The toughest thing to figure about this game is how each of these teams already have a win. Oh yeah ... the Rams. Raiders 20, Cardinals 16.

New York Jets (+2) at MIAMI (34.5): That was Braylon Edwards in that mugshot? We thought Wooly Willie got a DWI. Dolphins 17, Jets 13.

Green Bay (-3) at CHICAGO (46): Lance Briggs – what a bastard for saying maybe women shouldn’t be where guys are naked and defecating. Of course, maybe there just shouldn’t be any reporters, weiner or not, where guys are naked and defecating. Packers 26, Bears 21.

Lock of the Week: Washington

Trifecta: Washington, Pittsburgh, New Orleans

2010 Week Two Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 10-6
Against The Spread: 4-10-2
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-1,060

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 21-11
Against The Spread: 9-18-5
Lock of the Week: 1-1
Trifecta: 0-2
Money: $-1,240

2010 Week 2 Money Spent: $0
2010 Week 2 Money Made: $0
2010 Season Money Spent: $10
2010 Season Money Made: $0
2010 Total: $-10

The format will stay as it has been – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta (6:1 odds) and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Welcome to Week Two of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we haven’t been this much in love with a Foster since we first saw “Freaky Friday.”

We were a dreadful 5-8-3 against the spread to open the season, although we did manage to hit the Lock of the Week in Green Bay. Indianapolis cost us the Trifecta, and we were 11-5 straight up. That’s uglier than Tony Siragusa bouncin’ on a diving board in a jock strap, to paraphrase Tim Wilson.

We generally sympathize with NFL players because of their unguaranteed contracts, short careers and the damage they inflict on their bodies. But to then watch Darrelle Revis and Randy Moss bellyache about the millions of dollars they’re making is like hearing a lottery winner gripe because they wouldn’t pay him in all $20s. Both of those guys need to spend a few months working in the stands selling beer and then come back and let us know if they have any more complaints.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as reporting former NHL coaches dead without calling them first.

Kansas City (-2) at CLEVELAND (38): Matt Cassel vs. Seneca Wallace – who says the NFL isn’t a quarterback-driven league? Chiefs 23, Browns 16.
Buffalo (+13) at GREEN BAY (43): After Packers running back Ryan Grant was lost for the season, fantasy owners grabbed Brandon Jackson faster than Washington snatched Clinton Portis’s cell phone. Packers 33, Bills 17.
Baltimore (-1.5) at CINCINNATI (40): We keep hearing about whether there are enough balls to go around in Cincy and it makes us wish Scott Thompson was still doing Buddy Cole skits. Ravens 20, Bengals 14.
Pittsburgh (+5) at TENNESSEE (37): A crisp $50 bill if The Tennessean runs a story about the popularity of a certain Titan RB with the headline “How Big Will Johnson Get?” Titans 26, Steelers 17.
Philadelphia (-4.5) at DETROIT (41): Michael Vick’s back, and at least one guy’s forgotten all of Vick’s transgressions – Kevin Kolb. Eagles 24, Lions 17.
Chicago (+8.5) at DALLAS (41): Hosting the Super Bowl and already 0-1, which do you think is tighter -- Jerry Jones’s face or anus? Cowboys 27, Bears 20.
Arizona (+6.5) at ATLANTA (43): We predict Cardinal RB Chris Wells will become a star as soon as people stop calling him “Beanie.” That’s just embarrassing. Falcons 21, Cardinals 19.
Tampa Bay (+3.5) at CAROLINA (39): Another prediction – the Panthers don’t win a Super Bowl until they dump their mascot, “Sir Purr.” That’s something your grandmother has on her lap in-between knitting sessions. Panthers 20, Buccaneers 14.
Miami (+5.5) at MINNESOTA (39): The Vikings have been scouring the league looking for wide receivers. Hey, Amhad Rashad’s available! Dolphins 19, Vikings 16.
St. Louis (+4) at OAKLAND (37.5): Watching “Jersey Shore” could be more entertaining – at least Snooki might get punched. Raiders 22, Rams 17.
Seattle (+3.5) at DENVER (40): Laurence Maroney – that’ll get the Broncos over the hump! Seahawks 21, Broncos 17.
Houston (-3) at WASHINGTON (43.5): We’d go watch this game if we didn’t think we’d be too close to that crazy, African-born Muslim socialist running your country. Canadians can trust FOXNews, right? Texans 24, Racists 19.
Jacksonville (+8) at SAN DIEGO (45): Note to Charger QB Philip Rivers – getting pissy and stomping around like a three-year-old when the crowd noise is deafening does not make them shut up. Touchdown passes do. Chargers 27, Jaguars 17.
New England (-2) at NY JETS (38): The issues with females and the Jets have been solved – all locker room reports will now be filed by Helen Thomas. Patriots 23, Jets 16.
New Orleans (-4.5) at SAN FRANCISCO (44): This line is predicated on 49ers coach Mike Singletary being able to scare his team back on track in one week. We fear Mike’s stare, but we’re terrified of Drew Brees’ arm. Saints 27, 49ers 17.
NY Giants (+5.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (48): What we can’t find for this game – the over/under on total time under center making stupid arm movements. Colts 26, Giants 24.

Lock of the Week: Carolina

Trifecta: Carolina, Seattle, Baltimore

2010 Week One Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 5-8-3
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-180

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 5-8-3
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-180

2009 Week 15 Money Spent: $10
2009 Week 15 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $10
2009 Season Money Made: $0
2009 Total: $-10

The format will stay as it has been – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta (6:1 odds) and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Welcome to Week One of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where it’s been a long offseason – and we don’t have a daughter living anywhere near Ben Roethlisberger.

Who are we expecting to make it to the big dance in Dallas? We hope it’s not the Cowboys – Jerry Jones’s face might explode on the sidelines – but they wouldn’t be a shocker. Still, we like Aaron Rodgers to explode in Green Bay and drive the Packers on the NFC side, while Peyton Manning and his amazing replicating receivers should be back. Book us at – Colts 31, Packers 24.

The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

All of that leads us to this final sentence, a version of which you’ll see every week: remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having the Rev. Terry Jones give your pregame prayer.

Minnesota (+5) at NEW ORLEANS (48): Hey, did you hear? Brett Favre is playing again! Saints 30, Vikings 20.

Carolina (+7) at NY GIANTS (41): The Giants are playing in their new stadium, which makes us wonder – do you think they moved Hoffa’s body, too? Giants 23, Panthers 20.

Miami (-3) at BUFFALO (39): How the hell can Trent Edwards still be the Bills’ quarterback? That’s like re-electing George W. Bush for a second term. Dolphins 20, Bills 19.

Atlanta (-2) at PITTSBURGH (37.5): Congratulations to NFL commissioner Roger Goddell for letting young women across America know sexual misconduct isn’t even worth six games in his league. Falcons 20, Steelers 16.

Detroit (+6.5) at CHICAGO (43): We’ve looked at this about 50 times and damned if we don’t think the Lions are a 50/50 in this one. The Bears are a hot mess, and it’s just the home-field advantage we’re counting on here. Bears 21, Lions 20.

Cincinnati (+4) at NEW ENGLAND (44.5): Wouldn’t it have been great if after the wreck Thursday morning, the photos showed Tom Brady actually drove an old Gremlin? Patriots 23, Bengals 20.

Cleveland (+3) at TAMPA BAY (37): The game’s a dog, but apparently the Rev. Al Sharpton has offered to stand on the sidelines with Jim Brown, a bunch of bananas and an organ grinder. Buccaneers 22, Browns 20.

Denver (+2.5) at JACKSONVILLE (40): If Tim Tebow was still getting hit on with that monk haircut the Denver veterans gave him during camp, we anoint him Rookie of the Year right freaking now. Jaguars 23, Broncos 17.

Indianapolis (-2) at HOUSTON (47): Every year the Texans are the “sleeper” pick for most improved team, and every year they find a way to louse it up. Same as it ever was, Houston. Colts 30, Texans 22.

Oakland (+6) at TENNESSEE (40.5): We started to pick the Raiders, and then the medication kicked in. Titans 23, Raiders 16.

Green Bay (-3) at PHILADELPHIA (47.5): The Eagles minus McNabb, Westbrook and others are a Stone Kolb Lock – to lose this one. Packers 31, Eagles 20.

San Francisco (-3) at SEATTLE (37): Can we suspect the Seahawks are on the right track and still think Pete Carroll is a slimy jerk? 49ers 24, Seahawks 17.

Arizona (-4) at ST. LOUIS (39.5): We’re printing up T-shirts for Cardinals’ fans – “JESUS CAME BACK, KURT – SO SHOULD YOU.” Cardinals 23, Rams 16.

Dallas (-4) at WASHINGTON (40): Should be a good game but, like their owner, Washington will come up a little short. Cowboys 27, Racists 21.

San Diego (-4) at KANSAS CITY (45): Just four points? Does losing an aging LT and a grouchy Vincent Jackson really mean a game against the Chiefs is that tight? Chargers 27, Chiefs 21.

Baltimore (+2.5) at NY JETS (36): Scientists have determined the only thing in the world saltier than the Dead Sea is Rex Ryan’s mouth. Ravens 20, Jets 16.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay

Trifecta: Green Bay, Baltimore, Indianapolis

Over/Under Good Buys: Dallas/Washington OVER

What the hell is going on at the FAN 590? I was just talking with a customer and it seems like they fired just about everyone they could find roaming the halls -- Landry, Stellick, Jack Armstrong and most notably to me, Mike Hogan.

Hogie to me was the best in Toronto because he was willing to talk all sports, even CIS football. Perhaps that's what was his downfall -- not pandering to the moron callers who don't have anything to say except, "Leafs are going to be great this year!"

No, they aren't.

Greg Brady has been snatched away from 640 to host a two-hour hockey show (I'm down with that) and the silky-smooth Doug Farraway takes over in the morning, although that may just be temporary.

I'm calling it here -- Wilner in the morning FTW!

No fun this week -- hammered at the store!

Colts 24, Jets 20.
Vikings 29, Saints 27.

Welcome to The Hoser’s NFL Playoff Picks 2009 Week 2, where taking the road dog last week left us in the dog house.

The Hoser hit just one of four games against the spread and was likewise 1-3 straight up. We thought Philly and Cincy would rebound, but they were flatter than Olive Oyl at a wet T-shirt contest. And Arizona, the team we thought couldn’t regroup, did – well, the offense did, at least.

Can we finally put to rest the idea Chad Ochocinco Johnson is a top-tier receiver? Darrell Revis owned him two weeks in a row, and that’s really incredible when you consider how tough it must be to play with Deion Sanders’ slobber all over you.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Jim Leavitt run your church’s youth group.

Arizona (+7) at NEW ORLEANS [57.5]: Forget about Kurt Warner playing for the glory of Jesus – we’re pretty sure that was Jesus out there Sunday night.
But as amazing as Warner and the Arizona offense was, the utter and absolute collapse of the Cardinal defense in the second half was even more spectacular and leaves us thinking they won’t fare any better with New Orleans.
It’ll be a shootout and close enough for Arizona to cover, but the Cards will take the last bullet. Saints 34, Cardinals 30.

Baltimore (+6) at INDIANAPOLIS [44]: We really, really want to take the Ravens here. Everyone knows The Hoser’s staff brooks no Peyton fans, and Baltimore can run all day long.
Still … 34 yards. That’s the number of passing yards Joe Flacco and the Ravens put up last week against the Patriots. Sure, they didn’t need to pass much, but one-dimensional offenses don’t fare well in the postseason.
We hate to say it, but … Colts 22, Ravens 17.

Dallas (+3) at MINNESOTA [46]: We’ve been looking at the quarterbacks for a few days, and does it make any sense they we think Brett Favre is more likely to have a stinker game than Tony Romo?
The Vikings just haven’t been very good down the stretch, while the Cowboys have everything going for them – Romo’s on fire, the running game is great, all the receivers are catching passes and the defense is solid.
The good news is this bumps the schedule up a week or two to start speculating about whether Favre returns next season or not. Oh boy! Cowboys 27, Vikings 23.

New York Jets (+7) at SAN DIEGO [42]: This is the one game we feel really comfortable with in our gut – and that’s a big gut to ignore.
San Diego has been rock solid since midseason, led by the resurgence of the suddenly viable Ladanian Tomlinson and the steady hand of Philip Rivers. We still wonder about Norv Turner, but this is where the Rex Ryan Love Bus finally blows a tire. Chargers 26, Jets 17.

Lock of the Week: Chargers

2009 Playoffs Week 1 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 1-3
Against The Spread: 1-3
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Money: $-730

2009 Playoffs Season Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 1-3
Against The Spread: 1-3
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Money: $-730

The Hoser’s Playoff format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Welcome to The Hoser’s NFL Playoff Picks 2009, Week 1, where after last week’s mess, you’re talking about PLAYOFFS?!?

The Hoser went a pathetic 5-10-1 record against the spread and was 12-4 straight up. Fortunately, the Lions caved to the Bears to give us the Lock of the Week, but no Trifecta for us. We don’t feel too horribly about it, though, as we were not given advance notice that damned near every contender would be laying down like carpet.

Except for the Patriots. Ouch.

Three of these four games feature two teams that met last week. In each case, the favourite here got hammered like chopped meat, which again points out why you don’t bet football in the last few weeks. Or ever.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as playing your starters in meaningless games.

New York Jets (+2) at CINCINNATI [34]: Talk about backing in – whenever the Jets have the ball in this game, there should be a loud beeping noise. Still, there’s something to be said for having both the top running offense and top overall defense in the league.
This isn’t going to be a cakewalk for Cincy, but they still have enough offensive weapons to advance. Bengals 19, Jets 16.

Philadelphia (+4) at DALLAS [45]: So which Dallas shows up – the Cowboys who have traditionally found a way to lose in big games, or the Cowboys who have looked like world beaters the last few weeks?
We have been pimping the Eagles since the beginning of the season (Philly vs. San Diego was our Super Bowl pick), and just because they got their asses handed to them last week, that’s no reason to stop now. Defensive coordinator Sean McDermott will be blitzing all day, and we just don’t see Dallas handling it. Eagles 27, Cowboys 23.

Baltimore (+3) at NEW ENGLAND [43]: The Ravens might be the best 9-7 team in league history. Excellent defense, solid running game – sounds like the right playoff mixture.
The whole game will likely turn on how successful Bill Belichick is in turning Julian Edelman into Wes Welker. You can’t throw the long ball if you can’t run or throw the crossing route, and against the Ravens, we don’t think the Pats will do either.
Ravens 22, Patriots 20.

Green Bay (+1.5) at ARIZONA [47]: So now we know why Matt Leinart never sees the field.
The Cardinals had two game plans drawn up – one if they could still achieve the No. 2 seed (which they couldn’t), and the other to make this possibly the worst game ever to watch. “Glitter” would have been more palatable than this.
Still, the bigger is issue whether Anquan Boldin and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie can suit up. We’re betting both will, but with Arizona 4-4 at home … Packers 24, Cardinals 21.

Lock of the Week: Cincinnati

2009 Week 17 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 12-4
Against The Spread: 5-10-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-150

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 179-76
Against The Spread: 131-121-6
Lock of the Week: 9-8
Trifecta: 3-14
Money: $+810

2009 Week 17 Money Spent: $0
2009 Week 17 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $215
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $-15

The Hoser’s format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week with $100 at 6:1 for the Trifecta. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Welcome to The Hoser’s NFL Picks 2009 Week 17, where we’re not exactly finishing strong.

The Hoser managed just an 8-7-1 record against the spread and was 11-5 straight up. Miami blew both the Lock of the Week and the Trifecta for us, but frankly, we weren’t close enough to have it matter.

This week’s lines are cobbled together from several sources, including Danny Sheridan in the USA Today, vegasinsider.com and others. Oddsmakers are justifiably nervous after watching the Colts playing the second cousins of their fourth stringers against the Jets last week. Merry Christmas, Indy fans – here’s your chance to pay good money to see the practice squad blow your perfect season!

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as setting your daughter up with Charlie Sheen.

Indianapolis (+7) at BUFFALO [NL]: Hell, who knows who the Colts will play this week? Maybe Bert Jones isn’t busy! Bills 20, Colts 16.

New Orleans (+7) at CAROLINA [NL]: Who’s the patron saint of stinking up the end of a fantastic season? Saint Mercury Morris? Saints 22, Panthers 20.

Jacksonville (+1.5) at CLEVELAND [37.5]: With Mike Holmgren now on board, Browns’ fans will expect him to do for Brady Quinn or Derek Anderson what he did with Matt Hasselbeck and Brett Favre – which is the definition of making chicken salad out of chicken shit. Browns 20, Jaguars 17.

Philadelphia (+3) at DALLAS [47]: Ah, so apparently the December curse must be over because the Cowboys beat a slumping Saints squad and Washington? Not! Eagles 27, Cowboys 24.

Chicago (-3) at DETROIT [45]: Didn’t anyone else see the Bears beat the Vikings Monday night? Are we missing something here? Bears 27, Lions 17.

New England (+8) at HOUSTON [46]: We don’t care if Brady, Moss and Belichick are all at the mall shopping on Sunday – the Pats still cover. Texans 21, Patriots 17.

Pittsburgh (-3) at MIAMI [45.5]: Go ahead and start printing up your Terrell Owens Dolphins jerseys right now. Steelers 23, Dolphins 19.

New York Giants (+9) at MINNESOTA [47.5]: Welcome to the “Who’s Been More Disappointing Lately?” Bowl! Vikings 29, Giants 21.

Cincinnati (+10) at NY JETS [35]: He’ll most likely be rested in this game, but why isn’t Cedric Benson getting some MVP love? Who’s been more valuable to his team this season? Jets 22, Bengals 13.

San Francisco (-7) at ST. LOUIS [40.5]: You’d think Steve Spagnuolo’s suffering in St. Louis, but he’s not. Imo’s Pizza and toasted ravioli heals all wounds. 49ers 22, Rams 16.

Atlanta (-2.5) at TAMPA BAY [41.5]: Speaking of awards, we dare you to figure out how Buccaneers head coach Raheem Morris won a single game with this team. We hope he gets a vote for Coach of the Year. Falcons 21, Buccaneers 20.

Green Bay (+3) at ARIZONA [44]: Given the possibility of these two teams facing one another in the first round of the playoffs, get ready to see guys you’ve never heard of carrying the ball. ‘Zona needs it more, though. Cardinals 25, Packers 17.

Kansas City (+13) at DENVER [38]: Jamaal Charles, baby, 35 freakin’ times! Broncos 26, Chiefs 16.

Baltimore (-10.5) at OAKLAND [38]: We’d love to see the Raiders attempt a field goal on every fourth down no matter the field position. Over/under on SeaBass’s leg – 66 yards. Ravens 26, Raiders 13.

Washington (+4) at SAN DIEGO [39]: (to be sung) “Zorrrrnnnn freeeeeeee, because as a coooooooach, he blows …” Chargers 27, Racists 10.

Tennessee (-4) at SEATTLE [44]: If we invite Jeff Fisher over for a playoff game, think he’ll wear his Manning jersey? Titans 24, Seahawks 10.

Lock of the Week: Chicago
Trifecta: Chicago, Tennessee, San Diego

2009 Week 16 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 11-5
Against The Spread: 8-7-1
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-570

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 167-72
Against The Spread: 126-111-5
Lock of the Week: 8-8
Trifecta: 3-15
Money: $+960

2009 Week 16 Money Spent: $0
2009 Week 16 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $215
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $-15

The Hoser’s format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week with $100 at 6:1 for the Trifecta. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.