The Hoser and staff are on vacation this week in the U.S., where we've been paying 10% tax on stuff in St. Louis. Hey, you know, for 3% more you could have your health care covered!

We'll catch up on how terrible we are later in the week. Enjoy the Canadian Thanksgiving even if you ain't lucky enough to be Canadian, and remember -- using these pick to wager actual money is advisable as stuff a balloon full of marijuana up your ass to hide the heroin you already put there.

Denver (+7) at BALTIMORE (39.5): We're always hesitant to see a touchdown dog at Baltimore because you never know when the Ravens won't break double-digits themselves. Ravens 19, Broncos 13.
Jacksonsville (+1.5) at BUFFALO (41): Bill Cowher to the Jags' courtesy phone. Jaguars 23, Bills 20.
Kansas City (+7) at INDIANAPOLIS (45): So much for being undefeated. Colts 27, Chiefs 17.
St. Louis (+3) at DETROIT (42.5): This line is a measure of how far the Rams have come this season. Or it's a measure of how far the Lions haven't gone. Lions 21, Rams 20.
Atlanta (-3) at CLEVELAND (41.5): Yeah, the Browns won, but Betty White is still hotter in Cleveland. Falcons 21, Browns 17.
Tampa Bay (+6.5) at CINCINNATI (38): "Welcome to the Chad Ochocinco Sexy Cereal Hotline. Press 1 if you want to talk to one of our hot ladies. Press 2 if you want to chat with a hunky guy. And if you are a member of the Bengals, hang up and get the %&^$# back in the film room after losing to the Browns." Bengals 23, Buccaneers 14.
Chicago (+1.5) at CAROLINA (33): Mike Martz has to play Todd Collins at quarterback this week, which is likely to lead to another Collins -- Tom. Bears 19, Panthers 14.
Green Bay (-2.5) at WASHINGTON (44.5): Forget a rabbit's foot -- Washington has had the whole warren in its pocket so far just to be 2-2. Packers 24, Racists 17.
New York Giants (+3) at HOUSTON (47.5): Eli Manning has made more ill-advised passes than Lawrence Taylor lately. Texans 26, Giants 20.
New Orleans (-7) at ARIZONA (44): Not even Kurt could save these dudes now. Saints 30, Cardinals 17.
San Diego (-6) at OAKLAND (45): Fantasy football owner alert -- start Charger running back Mike Tolbert this week, as the Raider defense gives up ground like a French army. Chargers 28, Raiders 17.
Tennessee (+7) at DALLAS (42): It's supposed to be all in fun, but how many homeless people could the Cowboys have fed with the tab Dez Bryant got stuck with? Hell, how many could they have housed? Cowboys 22, Titans 17.
Philadelphia (+3) at SAN FRANCISCO (38): In a recent poll in Philly, fans said they trusted BP in the Gulf more than Kevin Kolb under center. Still, the 49ers seem about as functional as that IKEA desk we built last year (if any one needs spare screws and dowels, we seem to have a bagful). Eagles 23, 49ers 20.
Minnesota (+4) at NY JETS (39): You know what would be awesome? If every time the Vikings tried to send the overhead view of the defense to Brett Favre on the sidelines, the Jets instead sent copies of the junk pictures he sent to Jen Sterger. Jets 22, Vikings 17.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay

Trifecta: Green Bay, Philadelphia, Houston