Friday, October 01, 2010

Welcome to Week Four of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we know Kansas City defensive end Shawn Smith has the balls to play in this league – we just don’t know if they’re his.

We were a dart-throwing 8-8 against the spread and managed to do exactly the same straight up, which is pretty tough considered we picked two upsets. Of course, Washington blew our Lock, our Trifecta and every goat between St. Louis and the nation’s capital on the way home.

Ben Roethlisberger had been spotted around Heinz Field a week early, but much to his disappointment, the “Steelers Think Pink” drive in October turned out to be a league-wide initiative in support of breast cancer awareness. Better luck next time, Ben.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as asking any Cowboy except Dez Bryant to pick up the check.

Denver (+6.5) at TENNESSEE (41.5): Broncos fans are wondering if Tim Tebow might be the answer to Denver’s rushing woes, but we’re not sure even Jesus* himself could do much with this offensive line.
*Note: by Jesus we mean, of course, Barry Sanders. Titans 30, Broncos 20.

Baltimore (+1.5) at PITTSBURGH (34.5): The Steelers can’t go 4-0 with two different back-ups, can they? Ravens 19, Steelers 17.

Cincinnati (-3) at CLEVELAND (38): It’s not really a battle. It’s more like The Slapfight Of Ohio. Bengals 22, Browns 17.

Detroit (+14.5) at GREEN BAY (45.5): The Lions have lost 19 games in a row to the Packers in Wisconsin – but we don’t think moving the game to Mars would make much difference. Packers 31, Lions 14.

Carolina (+13.5) at NEW ORLEANS (45): The Saints signed kicker John Carney this week. It’s nice to see someone out there is willing to hire the elderly. Saints 30, Panthers 17.

San Francisco (+6.5) at ATLANTA (42): The Falcons come steaming into this game after dropping New Orleans, while the 49ers, well, their type of steaming is usually associated with tightly coiled piles. Falcons 24, 49ers 17.

Seattle (-1.5) at ST. LOUIS (38): We’d rather watch a PBS telethon – even the ones with the damn doo-wop special playing over and over. Seahawks 23, Rams 20.

New York Jets (-5) at BUFFALO (37): There’s your plan, Bills fans – Ryan Fitzpatrick! Jets 20, Bills 19.

Indianapolis (-8.5) at JACKSONVILLE (46.5): There’s your plan, Jags fans – Trent Freaking Edwards! Colts 26, Jaguars 17.

Houston (-3.5) at OAKLAND (44): Is it possible Janikowski roofied himself last week? Texans 23, Raiders 17.

Arizona (+8) at SAN DIEGO (46): Forget bringing back Warner – the Cardinals are down to trying to get Steve Pisarkiewicz on the phone. Chargers 27, Cardinals 13.

Washington (+6) at PHILADELPHIA (42.5): Donovan McNabb said he expects more cheers than boos in his return to Philadelphia. We had no idea the pot was so good in Washington. Eagles 24, Racists 20.

Chicago (-4) at NEW YORK GIANTS (44.5): We know it must be tough to be the coach of the Giants in New York right now, but don’t you think Tom Coughlin looks like that even on Christmas morning? Bears 23, Giants 21.

New England (-1) at MIAMI (45): Brandon Marshall better be careful. Given the size of Shannon Sharpe’s mouth, we’re pretty sure he could swallow Marshall whole. Patriots 24, Dolphins 20.

Lock of the Week: Tennessee

Trifecta: Tennessee, Atlanta, Houston

2010 Week Three Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-8
Against The Spread: 8-8
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-480

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 29-19
Against The Spread: 18-26-5
Lock of the Week: 1-2
Trifecta: 0-3
Money: $-1,720

2010 Week 3 Money Spent: $15
2010 Week 3 Money Made: $0
2010 Season Money Spent: $25
2010 Season Money Made: $0
2010 Total: $-25

The format will stay as it has been – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta (6:1 odds) and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

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