Welcome to The Hoser’s NFL Playoff Picks 2009, Week 1, where after last week’s mess, you’re talking about PLAYOFFS?!?

The Hoser went a pathetic 5-10-1 record against the spread and was 12-4 straight up. Fortunately, the Lions caved to the Bears to give us the Lock of the Week, but no Trifecta for us. We don’t feel too horribly about it, though, as we were not given advance notice that damned near every contender would be laying down like carpet.

Except for the Patriots. Ouch.

Three of these four games feature two teams that met last week. In each case, the favourite here got hammered like chopped meat, which again points out why you don’t bet football in the last few weeks. Or ever.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as playing your starters in meaningless games.

New York Jets (+2) at CINCINNATI [34]: Talk about backing in – whenever the Jets have the ball in this game, there should be a loud beeping noise. Still, there’s something to be said for having both the top running offense and top overall defense in the league.
This isn’t going to be a cakewalk for Cincy, but they still have enough offensive weapons to advance. Bengals 19, Jets 16.

Philadelphia (+4) at DALLAS [45]: So which Dallas shows up – the Cowboys who have traditionally found a way to lose in big games, or the Cowboys who have looked like world beaters the last few weeks?
We have been pimping the Eagles since the beginning of the season (Philly vs. San Diego was our Super Bowl pick), and just because they got their asses handed to them last week, that’s no reason to stop now. Defensive coordinator Sean McDermott will be blitzing all day, and we just don’t see Dallas handling it. Eagles 27, Cowboys 23.

Baltimore (+3) at NEW ENGLAND [43]: The Ravens might be the best 9-7 team in league history. Excellent defense, solid running game – sounds like the right playoff mixture.
The whole game will likely turn on how successful Bill Belichick is in turning Julian Edelman into Wes Welker. You can’t throw the long ball if you can’t run or throw the crossing route, and against the Ravens, we don’t think the Pats will do either.
Ravens 22, Patriots 20.

Green Bay (+1.5) at ARIZONA [47]: So now we know why Matt Leinart never sees the field.
The Cardinals had two game plans drawn up – one if they could still achieve the No. 2 seed (which they couldn’t), and the other to make this possibly the worst game ever to watch. “Glitter” would have been more palatable than this.
Still, the bigger is issue whether Anquan Boldin and Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie can suit up. We’re betting both will, but with Arizona 4-4 at home … Packers 24, Cardinals 21.

Lock of the Week: Cincinnati

2009 Week 17 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 12-4
Against The Spread: 5-10-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-150

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 179-76
Against The Spread: 131-121-6
Lock of the Week: 9-8
Trifecta: 3-14
Money: $+810

2009 Week 17 Money Spent: $0
2009 Week 17 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $215
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $-15

The Hoser’s format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week with $100 at 6:1 for the Trifecta. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.