Thursday, July 14, 2011

Here at The Hoser, we're starting to ramp up for the start of the NFL season -- well, if there is one -- but for now, here's a little Mayer Hawthorne goodness to enjoy:

Mayer on Live At Daryl's House

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

There's been quite a bit of backslapping going on over the NHL's (and temp discipline honcho Mike Murphy's) four-game suspension of Vancouver's Aaron Rome after he concussed Boston's Nathan Horton in Game Three of the Stanley Cup Finals.

It's been pointed out only three players have ever been suspended during the Finals, and each of them received a single game. Of course, I haven't taken the time to see if any of those players intentionally attempted (and succeeded) in removing one of their opponents' most valuable pieces for the remainder of the postseason, and in any case, I don't think using the NHL's terrible history of disciplining its players in the measuring stick to use.

So forgive me if I don't think the Canucks losing some schlub that doesn't even appear on the depth chart matches up properly with the Bruins losing Horton. In fact, I bet there are some Vancouver fans out there who think this is a pretty good trade -- we lose Rome, they lose a player with 17 points in the postseason.

How to square things?

Pretty simple. Let's go back to the depth charts.

According to the Boston chart, Horton is the top-line right winger. For Vancouver, that's Jannik Hansen. So in addition to Rome, the NHL should remove Hansen for the remainder of the Finals.

That's not really even enough -- as Hansen has had nowhere near the impact Horton has -- but it's a start. It sends the message that taking a shot at an opponent's head doesn't just mean one of your idiots sits. It means you lose a piece arguably as valuable as the one you took out.

As another example, you can decide whether Washington's David Steckel or Tampa Bay's Victor Hedman gave Sidney Crosby the concussion that sidelined him for most of this season. But do you think either of those players would have done what they did knowing Alexander Ovechkin or Steven Stamkos would sit as long as Crosby?

Would it be fair to either Ovy or Stamkos to have to sit? Of course not. But is it fair to any player to have their health and livelihood threatened by some moron who doesn't care about his fellow player's well-being?

Under my system, I'm betting coaches might be a bit more interested in making sure their players aren't out headhunting. They might not even put those meatheads on the ice in the first place.

And that would definitely be worthy of a little backslapping all around.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Just the scores -- have you ever tried typing paragraphs on a Blackberry?


NY Jets (+3.5) at PITTSBURGH (43): We have our fingers (and toes) crossed for Sexy Rexy. Steelers 23, Jets 20.

Green Bay (-3.5) at CHICAGO (38): There's a better chance you'd find an honest politician in The Windy City than a victory party on Sunday night. Packers 27, Bears 13.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Whether you view us as extremely lucky or Nostradamus, The Hoser scored a nice hit in calling the Seahawks over the Saints straight up last week. We hit both the upsets, but the Chiefs failed us and the Jets, well, they did to us what they always do to us. We were 3-1 straight up and 2-2 against the spread, but Green Bay was our Lock of the Week.

Baltimore (+3.5) at PITTSBURGH (37): It's hard for The Hoser not to be influenced by how much he detests Ray Lewis. Not the football player, just the obnoxious, preening jackass he is. Seriously, have you seen the NFL Network's "Sound FX" show on him? He's like an idiot parrot -- "It's a MAN'S GAME, BABY!!!" -- over and over and over again.
Fortunately, we think the Steelers come out on top here again. Ben Roethlisberger seems to find a way to make it work in big games -- too bad we can't say the same for the ladies and motorcycle helmets. However, with the strong defenses and the cold, Baltimore will keep it within a field goal. Steelers 23, Ravens 20.

Green Bay (+2.5) at ATLANTA (43.5): How do you pick against Matt Ryan and the Falcons at home? Well, you do it like this.
The Packers have had a passing game all season (except when Aaron Rodgers was seeing Tweetybirds for a week or two). They've now got James Starks to compliment that aerial assault. Green Bay can run wide open if it wants, something the Falcons just can't do.
Atlanta beat the Packers by just a field goal a few weeks ago, but Rodgers had double the rushing yardage of anyone else on the team and still threw for more than 300 yards. Book Green Bay for the Super Bowl. Packers 24, Falcons 20.

Seattle (+10) at CHICAGO (41): Everyone's been asking us all week -- can the Seahawks do it again? Well, yes, they can. They're hopped up off a huge win, they're getting their running game going, and frankly, the Bears just aren't that good.
But being away from home means the loss of a big advantage for the Seahawks. The wild card here is Jay Cutler, who looks like Dan Marino one week and Foster Brooks the next. We expect Mike Martz to do the right thing and hand the ball to Matt Forte a whole bunch.
It'll be cold, just enough to make it tough to kick long field goal and maybe cause a fumble or two. That'll keep the score within the big spread, but it also means the end of Seattle season. Bears 19, Seahawks 17.

New York Jets (+9) at NEW ENGLAND (44.5): We grudgingly admire Bill Belichick and the Patriots at the same time we hate them. What other franchise does such an amazing job reloading every season? How do they make it work shuffling in defensive replacements and 85 different running backs? C'mon, Danny Woodhead?!?
At the same time, we hate the Jets, but we love Rex Ryan. The big mouth, the foot fetish, the comical gut -- bring it on. He's lovable and entertaining.
But this really boils down to trying to figure out how New York can possibly slow down Tom Brady. Do you really think he and Belichick can be beaten by a team led by Mark Sanchez?
They can't, and they won't be. Patriots 26, Jets 19.

Lock of the Week: Seattle

Saturday, January 08, 2011

Yes, we know we've been slacking -- it was the holiday season, give us a break.

New Orleans (-10) at SEATTLE (45): We really wish this was just a half-point higher. All week we've had this weird feeling about the Seahawks -- tough home crowd, coming off an emotional win, finding their running game and perhaps a new leader in Clipboard Jesus. But this will be a closer game than people expect, and damn it, we're taking Seattle. Seahawks 22, Saints 20.

New York Jets (+3) at INDIANAPOLIS (44.5): We're still pissed about the coverage of the whole Rex Ryan foot fetish thing. Christ, people, the guy likes feet and he loves his wife. Given the divorce rate in this country, better than half of you should be so lucky. Colts 24, Jets 17.

Baltimore (-2.5) at KANSAS CITY (40.5): We have $10 on a 100-1 ticket for the Chiefs to win the Super Bowl. That's not going to happen, and they probably won't even get past the Ravens. And here we were going to take all 12 of you regular readers to the Wynn buffet with the winnings. Ravens 20, Chiefs 19.

Green Bay (+2.5) at PHILADELPHIA (46.5): The Packers will blitz the hell out of Michael Vick and despite his ability to run, he won't be able to target receivers. Take the points. Packers 26, Eagles 23.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Detroit (+3.5) at MIAMI (41): Lions 22, Dolphins 20.
Minnesota (+14) at PHILADELPHIA (37.5): Eagles 30, Vikings 17.
Washington (+6.5) at JACKSONVILLE (45.5): Jaguars 28, Racists 17.
San Francisco (+2.5) at ST LOUIS (40): Rams 20, 49ers 16.
Seattle (+6) at TAMPA BAY (43.5): Buccaneers 24, Seahawks 17.
New England (-7.5) at BUFFALO (45.5): Patriots 24, Bills 21.
New York Jets (+2.5) at CHICAGO (36): Bears 20, Jets 16.
Baltimore (-3) at CLEVELAND (39.5): Ravens 22, Browns 16.
Tennessee (+4) at KANSAS CITY (42.5): Chiefs 26, Titans 19.
Indianapolis (-2) at OAKLAND (47): Raiders 29, Colts 26.
Houston (-3) at DENVER (49): Texans 23, Broncos 21.
New York Giants (+3) at GREEN BAY (43): Packers 24, Giants 20.
San Diego (-8) at CINCINNATI (43.5): Chargers 26, Bengals 16.
Atlanta (-2) at NEW ORLEANS (49): Falcons 26, Saints 23.

Lock of the Week: Detroit

Trifecta: Detroit, St. Louis, Oakland

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Carolina (+14) at PITTSBURGH (37.5): Two touchdowns is an awfully big number with an O/U of 37.5. Plus, don't they realize the Panthers are HOT right now?!? Steelers 23, Panthers 13.

Full picks will be posted on Saturday evening. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Kansas City (+3) at ST LOUIS (42.5): Rams 23, Chiefs 22.
Houston (+1) at TENNESSEE (47.5): Texans 23, Titans 17.
Jacksonville (+4.5) at INDIANAPOLIS (48.5): Colts 24, Jaguars 23.
Arizona (+2.5) at CAROLINA (37.5): Cardinals 17, Panthers 13.
Cleveland (PK) at CINCINNATI (40.5): Browns 19, Bengals 16.
Buffalo (+5) at MIAMI (40.5): Dolphins 21, Bills 17.
Philadelphia (+3) at NY GIANTS (47): Eagles 26, Giants 21.
Washington (+7.5) at DALLAS (44.5): Cowboys 27, Racists 14.
Detroit (+4.5) at TAMPA BAY (43): Buccaneers 23, Lions 20.
New Orleans (+2.5) at BALTIMORE (44): Ravens 19, Saints 16.
Atlanta (-6) at SEATTLE (46): Falcons 23, Seahawks 20.
New York Jets (+4.5) at PITTSBURGH (35.5): Steelers 20, Jets 17.
Denver (+7.5) at OAKLAND (41.5): Raiders 26, Broncos 16.
Green Bay (+14) at NEW ENGLAND (43.5): Patriots 23, Packers 13.
Chicago (-7.5) at MINNESOTA (33): Bears 19, Vikings 13

Lock of the Week: Philadelphia

Trifecta: Philadelphia, Dallas, Oakland

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A little late, but I've been watching "The SingOff" -- Chargers 31, 49ers 14.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Oakland (+4) at JACKSONVILLE (41.5): Jaguars 26, Raiders 23.
Cincinnati (+9) at PITTSBURGH (39): Steelers 26, Bengals 13.
New England (-3) at CHICAGO (37.5): Patriots 16, Bears 10.
Cleveland (+1) at BUFFALO (39): Browns 20, Bills 14.
Green Bay (-6.5) at DETROIT (46.5): Packers 30, Lions 20.
Atlanta (-7) at CAROLINA (41): Falcons 26, Panthers 17.
Tampa Bay (-1) at WASHINGTON (40.5): Buccaneers 23, Racists 20.
St. Louis (+9.5) at NEW ORLEANS (47): Saints 27, Rams 21.
Seattle (+5) at SAN FRANCISCO (41.5): 49ers 23, Seahawks 20.
Miami (+5.5) at NY JETS (39): Jets 22, Dolphins 21.
Denver (+4.5) at ARIZONA (43.5): Broncos 24, Cardinals 17.
Kansas City (+9) at SAN DIEGO (45.5): Chargers 24, Chiefs 21.
Philadelphia (-3) at DALLAS (51): Eagles 23, Cowboys 21.
Baltimore (-3) at HOUSTON (46): Ravens 24, Texans 20.
NY Giants (NL) at MINNESOTA (NA): Giants 23, Vikings 20.

Lock of the Week: Kansas City
Trifecta: KC, Cleveland, Denver

Sunday, December 05, 2010

Buffalo (+5) at MINNESOTA (43.5): Anyone else think the Vikings might win out? Vikings 24, Bills 20.
Cleveland (+5) at MIAMI (43.5): The Dolphins suck at home, and the Browns' running game will make this Peyton's Place. Browns 23, Dolphins 20.
Jacksonville (+3) at TENNESSEE (44): Is this the week Chris Johnson stops playing like Arte Johnson? Nope. Jaguars 22, Titans 16.
Denver (+8) at KANSAS CITY (48.5): The Chiefs just keep teasing us and our 100-1 $10 ticket. This week should be easy, though. Chiefs 31, Broncos 17.
Washington (+7) at NY GIANTS (43): Giants 27, Racists 17.
Chicago (+4.5) at DETROIT (43.5): Is Eric Hipple starting this week? Bears 24, Lions 16.
San Francisco (+8) at GREEN BAY (41): Packers 27, 49ers 14.
New Orleans (-6.5) at CINCINNATI (45): Saints 26, Bengals 17.
Atlanta (-3) at TAMPA BAY (43.5): Falcons 23, Buccaneers 19.
Oakland (+13) at SAN DIEGO (44.5): Chargers 30, Raiders 20.
Carolina (+4.5) at SEATTLE (40): Seahawks 23, Panthers 17.
Dallas (+5) at INDIANAPOLIS (47.5): This game scares the hell out of us. It's like thinking about Jerry Jones's face first thing in the morning. Colts 24, Cowboys 21.
St. Louis (-3.5) at ARIZONA (44): This game won't be very good, but Derek Anderson's postgame chat might be worth watching. Rams 26, Cardinals 16.
Pittsburgh (+3) at BALTIMORE (39): If somehow Ray Lewis and Ben Roethlisberger could end one another's careers on the same play, this would be the best game ever. Ravens 21, Steelers 17.
NY Jets (+3.5) at NEW ENGLAND (45): Tom Brady -- hair loss? Maybe. Loss to the Jets. No. Patriots 24, Jets 20.

Lock of the Week: Cleveland

Trifecta: Cleveland, Green Bay, Chicago

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Welcome to Week 13 of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we're drifting back to Earth a little.

We were 7-8 against the spread and 11-4 straight up last week. If that looks a little strange, it's because at the time we put up our picks, there was no line on the Oakland/Miami game, and we never came back to correct that. So, yeah. We did have Chicago as our Lock of the Week (and even picked them straight up) over the Eagles. No kidding -- there was a dog barking outside The Hoser's office most of that night.

Awesome.

The rest of the picks will go up on Saturday -- this is just the Thursday Night Teaser. See you then!

Houston (+8) at PHILADELPHIA (52): It takes a mighty defense like Chicago to slow Michael Vick. The Texans are close -- they have a mighty shitty defense. Eagles 30, Texans 20.