Saturday, October 23, 2010

Welcome to Week Seven of the 2010 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we’re lower than whale poop in the Mariana Trench.

We were a lousy 4-7-3 last week against the spread in what is developing into the roughest year The Hoser has ever had. It’s been tougher finding winners in the NFL than tolerance in a room full of Tea Partiers, but we’ll keep plugging along – that $1 we’re raking in every week in AdSense cash makes it all worthwhile.

Deanna Favre said this week faith is helping to get her through her husband’s recent sexting tribulations. We admire that, Deanna – and we also have the number of a couple of good lawyers you can put on retainer right now.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Randy Quaid bunk at your place.

Pittsburgh (-3) at MIAMI (40.5): Steeler fans gave Ben Roethlisberger a big ovation in his first game back after his suspension for maybe or maybe not sexually assaulting a woman. Stay classy, Pittsburgh.

Cincinnati (+3.5) at ATLANTA (42): Hopefully, those disgusting sounds you heard this week were Mike Smith chewing some ass down South. Falcons 24, Bengals 20.

Cleveland (+13.5) at NEW ORLEANS (43.5): See above and insert Sean Peyton where applicable. Saints 34, Browns 10.

Jacksonville (+9) at KANSAS CITY (37.5): Daunte Culpepper’s playing in the UFL and Todd Bouman’s starting for the Jags. C’mon – aren’t there phones in Jacksonville? Chiefs 24, Jaguars 10.

Philadelphia (+3) at TENNESSEE (42.5): Eagles QB Kevin Kolb will be playing for his job – which is absolutely ridiculous. Does Michael Vick have nude photos of Andy Reid? Oh, God. We just threw up in my our mouthes a little. Titans 23, Eagles 21.

Washington (+3) at CHICAGO (40): Strictly a home-team pick, as both of these teams are going nowhere at the same pace. Bears 21, Racists 17.

Buffalo (+13) at BALTIMORE (40): Not even worth trying to analyze. Ravens 24, Bills 10.

San Francisco (-3) at CAROLINA (35.5): The Panther offense has all the firepower of Ben Stein on Ritalin. 49ers 23, Panthers 13.

St. Louis (+3) at TAMPA BAY (38): Yeah, Sam Bradford’s been good early. So was Take That. Rams 22, Buccaneers 19.

Arizona (+6) at SEATTLE (40): We believe in the Cards to the Max. Seahawks 22, Cardinals 20.

New England (+2.5) at SAN DIEGO (47): This line requires you to have faith in the ability of Norv Turner to outcoach Bill Belichick. BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Patriots 26, Chargers 20.

Oakland (+8.5) at DENVER (41.5): Daunte Culpepper’s playing in the UFL and Kyle Boller might starting for the Raiders? Oh, nevermind. Broncos 27, Raiders 17.

Minnesota (+2.5) at GREEN BAY (44): Welcome home, Brett – leave your Crocs at the state line. Vikings 21, Packers 17.

New York Giants (+3) at DALLAS (44): A Cowboys’ win? Our Magic 8-Ball says, “YOU’RE A STRAIGHT-UP MORON.” Where did we buy this thing? Cowboys 26, Giants 19.

Lock of the Week: New England

Trifecta: Dallas, New England, New Orleans

2010 Week Six Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-6
Against The Spread: 4-7-3
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-930

2010 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 53-39
Against The Spread: 37-47-8
Lock of the Week: 1-5
Trifecta: 0-6
Money: $-3,990

2010 Week 6 Money Spent: $15
2010 Week 6 Money Made: $0
2010 Season Money Spent: $60
2010 Season Money Made: $0
2010 Total: $-60

The format will stay as it has been – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta (6:1 odds) and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

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