Welcome to 2009 Week Eight, our Halloween edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we did the Monster Mash on other handicappers.

The Hoser’s lucky number is 13, and the 13-game schedule last week was certainly lucky for us. We drilled the point spread to the tune of 9-3-1, were 10-3 straight up and hit both our Lock of the Week and the Trifecta.

This week NFL commissioner Roger Goodell spoke to a Congressional panel and would not say there was a connection between head injuries and later brain diseases, which makes us wonder how many head injuries he’s suffered.

The Hoser has set up a terrifying display in his front yard. Local kids will be escorted in and seated in a mock NFL draft. They'll enjoy soda and treats for a minutes or two until their name is called by ... the Raiders! Oh, the horror!

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as coaches running concussed players back out onto the field too soon.

Denver (+3.5) at BALTIMORE [41]: We’ve seen some hideous monsters, but nothing could be more hideous than those freaking socks the Broncos keep insisting on wearing. Broncos 21, Ravens 20.

Cleveland (+13.5) at CHICAGO [40]: Last week the Bengals turned the Bears defense from the “Monsters of the Midway” to the “Wimps of the Windy City.” The Browns stink, but not two touchdowns’ worth. Bears 26, Browns 14.

Houston (-3.5) at BUFFALO [40.5]: We think Terrell Owens would rather see Freddy Krueger in his dreams than Dick Jauron. Talk about your “Nightmare on Bills Drive.” Texans 23, Bills 16.

Minnesota (+3) at GREEN BAY [47]: Former Packers quarterback Brett Favre makes his first stop in Lambeau Field as the enemy in what will be billed as the “Attack of the 50-Foot Ego.” Packers 26, Vikings 21.

San Francisco (+12) at INDIANAPOLIS [44.5]: Quarterback Alex Smith returns as the starter after almost a year on the bench. Call it “Plan 49er From Outer Space,” and expect it to work just as well. Colts 28, 49ers 17.

Miami (+3.5) at NEW YORK JETS [40.5]: There’s not much scary about Dolphins, but just picture Jets’ head coach Rex Ryan butt naked in a pile of Halloween candy. Jets 22, Dolphins 19.

St. Louis (+3) at DETROIT [42]: We’d rather watch “Saw VI.” Lions 24, Rams 20.

Seattle (+9.5) at DALLAS [45]: Talk about your Jekyll and Hyde act – the Cowboys have all the consistency of a trip to the can the morning after a Taco Bell dinner. Cowboys 23, Seahawks 20.

Oakland (+17) at SAN DIEGO [41.5]: Separated at birth: Raiders owner Al Davis and “The Cryptkeeper.” Chargers 30, Raiders 16.

Jacksonville (-3) at TENNESSEE [45]: Titans coach Jeff Fisher stars in a remake of an old horror classic – “The Incredible Shrinking Respect For A Head Coach.” Still, they get their first win this week. Titans 22, Jaguars 17.

Carolina (+9) at ARIZONA [42.5]: In the holiday spirit, expect Panthers quarterback Jake Delhomme to hand out footballs to Arizona defensive backs. Cardinals 26, Panthers 19.

New York Giants (+1) at PHILADELPHIA [44.5]: Forget the Great Pumpkin – this is the time every year when the ghost of Joe Pisarcik rises from the turf and vainly searches to hand a football to Herm Edwards. Too bad the game’s in Philly. Giants 26, Eagles 23.

Atlanta (+10) at NEW ORLEANS [54]: We’re pretty sure there was some voodoo magic going on after the Saints rose from the dead against the Dolphins last week, but it won’t be needed against the Falcons. Saints 31, Falcons 23.

Lock of the Week: NY Giants

Trifecta: Seattle, NY Giants, Tennessee

2009 Week Seven Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 10-3
Against The Spread: 9-3-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,670

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 75-28
Against The Spread: 56-46-1
Lock of the Week: 3-4
Trifecta: 2-5
Money: $490

2009 Week Seven Money Spent: $20
2009 Week Seven Money Made: $50
2009 Season Money Spent: $135
2009 Season Money Made: $150
2009 Total: $15

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

2009 Week Seven Hoser Results

Straight Up: 10-3
Against The Spread: 9-3-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,670

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 75-28
Against The Spread: 56-46-1
Lock of the Week: 3-4
Trifecta: 2-5
Money: $490

2009 Week Seven Money Spent: $20
2009 Week Seven Money Made: $50
2009 Season Money Spent: $135
2009 Season Money Made: $150
2009 Total: $15

Welcome to Week Seven of the 2009 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where the Heene family probably had a better week.

The Hoser limped to a miserable 5-9 record against the spread and was just 9-5 straight up. Fortunately, the Falcons came through for our Lock of the Week, making the total losses a manageable $40. That looks like a win compared to Week Five.

A shout out to Joe Bryant of the estimable FootballGuys.com for linking to Oakland wide receiver Louis Murphy’s tremendous effort on teammate Zach Miller’s touchdown last week. If the Democrats were that persistent, you’d all have health-care coverage by now.

A 1,000-pound wooden carving of former Buffalo Bills running back Thurman Thomas was retrieved after it was saved from some fans trying to burn it. The San Diego Chargers heard and immediately signed the statue to a two-year deal.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as dressing up as a wolf for Halloween in Sarah Palin’s neighborhood.

San Diego (-4.5) at KANSAS CITY [43.5]: Interesting that the Chiefs have a kicker named Ryan Succop when that’s what Baltimore kicker Steven Hauschka may have do to keep his job. Chargers 24, Chiefs 17.

Indianapolis (-13) at ST. LOUIS [45.5]: Former Rams superstar Marshall Faulk may be added to a group trying to buy the franchise. Forget that – suit him up. Colts 30, Rams 10.

Chicago (+1.5) at CINCINNATI [41.5]: Think the Bears will look across the field on Sunday and think, “Man, there’s no way that’s the SAME Cedric Benson.” Bengals 21, Bears 19.

Green Bay (-7) at CLEVELAND [41.5]: Special Browns promotion this weekend – donate $100 or more to any approved charity and play one whole series at quarterback! Packers 27, Browns 16.

Minnesota (+4) at PITTSBURGH [45]: Nothing could possibly ruin this game – unless somehow Chip Caray ends up as the play-by-play announcer. Steelers 24, Vikings 21.

New England (+14.5) at TAMPA BAY [45]: There always seems to be a bit of a cultural backlash against the NFL and Americans when it plays in England – but then we remember these people thought The Sex Pistols ruled and Princess Diana was hot. Patriots 31, Buccaneers 14.

San Francisco (+3) at HOUSTON [44]: Your NFL leader in passing touchdowns? Matt Schaub. Yes, we keep rubbing our eyes as we read that, too. Texans 27, 49ers 20.

New York Jets (-6) at OAKLAND [34.5]: Mattel is working on a new Transformers/NFL crossover toy. The first release features Mark Sanchez as the leader of the “Intercepticons.” Jets 23, Raiders 19.

Buffalo (+7) at CAROLINA [37.5]: Think Bills fans are reminiscing fondly about the good old J.P. Losman days? Panthers 20, Bills 17.

New Orleans (-7) at MIAMI [47]: The Dolphins could have another celebrity owner coming on board – Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas. Perhaps given her penchant for peeing in her pants, Miami can sell new t-shirts with her face and the slogan “URINE TROUBLE NOW!” Saints 33, Dolphins 23.

Atlanta (+4) at DALLAS [47.5]: You know Wade Phillips sucks when people are speculating 0-6 Jeff Fisher could replace him next season. Falcons 23, Cowboys 22.

Arizona (+7) at NY GIANTS [46]: That deafening silence you hear is Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce shutting the hell up. Giants 29, Cardinals 23.

Philadelphia (-7) at WASHINGTON [38]: Washington head coach Jim Zorn has been forced to give up his play-calling duties despite being hired as an offensive-minded coach. That’s like bringing Ron Jeremy onto a film shoot and telling him to keep his pants on. Eagles 31, Racists 17.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay

Trifecta: Green Bay, Indianapolis, New Orleans

2009 Week Six Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 9-5
Against The Spread: 5-9
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-40

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 65-25
Against The Spread: 47-43
Lock of the Week: 2-4
Trifecta: 1-5
Money: $-1,180

2009 Week Six Money Spent: $30
2009 Week Six Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $115
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $-15

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

2009 Week Six Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 9-5
Against The Spread: 5-9
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-40

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 65-25
Against The Spread: 47-43
Lock of the Week: 2-4
Trifecta: 1-5
Money: $-1,180

2009 Week Six Money Spent: $30
2009 Week Six Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $115
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $-15

Editor's Note: The point spread in the Denver-San Diego game was incorrect and has been changed.

Welcome to Week Six of the 2009 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we finally collapsed like Kirstie Alley’s recliner.

It was a terrible, terrible week, as we went 8-6 straight up and a miserable 6-8 against the spread. The Lock and the Trifecta were both losers. We expected it to be tough sledding, but this was like trying to get money out of your brother-in-law.

Rush Limbaugh’s bid to become an owner of the St. Louis Rams ended this week when the other prospective partners booted him. Limbaugh responded by saying he wasn’t a racist and he wasn’t sure who sandbagged him – but that he was pretty sure it was a black guy.

In Buffalo, an unemployed 18-year-old raised more than $1,000 to have a billboard flash, “It’s time to clean house, Ralph!” near a busy highway. Florida State University football fans considered this method of motivation for its players, but abandoned it after realizing Bobby Bowden’s too old to drive and none of the Seminoles can read.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having your six-year-old hide in the attic while you try to create a publicity stunt.

Kansas City (+6.5) at WASHINGTON [37.5]: Dan Snyder and his team of idiots pressured the Washington Post this week to take down photos of angry fans because of negative publicity. Doesn’t having his team’s games broadcast to the nation create its own negative publicity? Racists 19, Chiefs 17.

Houston (+4.5) at CINCINNATI [45]: The Texans’ catering staff has no issue serving Mexican food, as no one in that organization has the ability to get the runs. Bengals 26, Texans 19.

Cleveland (+14) at PITTSBURGH [38]: Hasn’t taken Browns head coach Eric Mangini long to go from ManGenius to Mangina, has it? Steelers 26, Browns 10.

Baltimore (+2.5) at MINNESOTA [43.5]: When the irresistible force (the Ravens’ defense) meets the unstoppable object (Adrian Peterson), we’ll bet on the irresistible and unstoppable old dude (Brett Favre). Vikings 23, Ravens 20.

St. Louis (+10.5) at JACKSONVILLE [41.5]: How bad does your opponent have to be for you to lose by 41 points and still be favoured by double digits the next week? Rams bad. Jaguars 30, Rams 16.

New York Giants (+3.5) at NEW ORLEANS [47.5]: Tougher to call than your mom from jail, but home field in the Big Easy has to count for something. Saints 26, Giants 23.

Carolina (-3.5) at TAMPA BAY [39.5]: We'd rather watch Glenn Beck than this dog. Buccaneers 19, Panthers 17.

Detroit (+13.5) at GREEN BAY [48]: The auto industry and Detroit quarterbacks – two entities that know all about bailouts. Packers 34, Lions 16.

Philadelphia (-14) at OAKLAND [40.5]: By the time the Eagles get through ripping through the Raiders, Tom Cable will want to punch himself out. Eagles 34, Raiders 13.

Arizona (+2.5) at SEATTLE [47]: If you watch the NFL Network replay of Seattle’s thrashing of Jacksonville last week, you can just make out the halo over Matt Hasslebeck’s helmet. Seahawks 24, Cardinals 21.

Buffalo (+9.5) at NEW YORK JETS [37.5]: Jets head coach Rex Ryan was extremely upset with his defense after losing in Miami. Fortunately, New York gets the equivalent of a bye week in the Bills. Jets 27, Bills 10.

Tennessee (+9) at NEW ENGLAND [43]: Yes, we’re still on New England’s jock. No, we’ll never learn. Patriots 28, Titans 17.

Chicago (+3.5) at ATLANTA [46]: It’s a shame Chicago didn’t land the Olympics. It would have been neat to have both the Olympic flame and the Chicago River burning at the same time. Falcons 27, Bears 19.

Denver (+4) at SAN DIEGO [44]: Do you think for motivation Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman pictures Tila Tequila’s head on opposing QBs Bobby Boucher style? Broncos 23, Chargers 17.

Lock of the Week: Atlanta

Trifecta: Atlanta, New York Jets, Seattle

2009 Week Five Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 8-6
Against The Spread: 6-8
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-880

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 56-20
Against The Spread: 42-34
Lock of the Week: 1-4
Trifecta: 1-4
Money: $-1,140

2009 Week Five Money Spent: $25
2009 Week Five Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $85
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $15

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Final stats for Week Five -- oof:

2009 Week Five Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 8-6
Against The Spread: 6-8
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-880

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 56-20
Against The Spread: 42-34
Lock of the Week: 1-4
Trifecta: 1-4
Money: $-1,140

2009 Week Five Money Spent: $25
2009 Week Five Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $86
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $15

Welcome to Week Five of the 2009 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where Monday night our entire staff went outside and screamed at the heavens, “FAAAAAARRRRVVVVVEEEEE!”

(That joke only works in print if you spell his name phonetically, and even then, it still probably doesn’t work. Far be it from us to pass up a “Wrath of Kahn” gag, though.)

The Hoser lost his bolt on Monday night, as Brett Favre was simply masterful. The Viking win cost us our Lock and the Trifecta, dropped us to 7-7 against the spread and 11-3 straight up. The Packers’ loss of tackle Kyle Clifton was the real killer, though.

This week, there are a few amazingly big spreads to consider. Philly by two touchdowns? The Giants by 16 points? We haven’t seen this many huge lines since we spent that week at Michael Irvin’s Fantasy Football Camp.

The New York Jets acquired wide receiver Braylon Edwards from the Cleveland Browns on Wednesday. Edwards has tons of talent, but we don’t know if The Big Apple is the right environment for him. I mean, if you can get into serious trouble in Cleveland after hours …

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as giving an undeserving guy the Nobel Peace Price.

Minnesota (-10) at ST LOUIS [40.5]: As an encore to last week’s heroics, Brett Favre will switch teams at the half and lead the Rams roaring back – to just a 17-point loss. Vikings 31, Rams 14.

Dallas (-9) at KANSAS CITY [43]: Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo says he’s fine, but there’s a good chance if he loses this game he could fall all the way down to dating Tara Reid. Cowboys 30, Chiefs 20.

Washington (+3.5) at CAROLINA [37.5]: We have this image of Jeff Garcia standing outside the Panthers’ GM’s office with a resume and a six-pack all week, asking, “Can I come in now? Now? How about now?” Panthers 19, Racists 17.

Oakland (+16) at NY GIANTS [39]: This could be a worse beating than Tawny Kitaen laid on Chuck Finley. Giants 31, Raiders 16.

Tampa Bay (+14.5) at PHILADELPHIA [43]: See above, but replace Tawny Kitaen with a cheesesteak. They both look about the same now anyhow. Eagles 27, Buccaneers 13.

Cleveland (+6) at BUFFALO [40.5]: We’re considering patenting a new duck decoy for the Buffalo area – one with Terrell Owens’s head on it. Bills 21, Browns 17.

Cincinnati (+8.5) at BALTIMORE [42]: In keep with last week’s sissification of the sport, three Ravens defensive players have already been ejected for holding a speculative discussion on the theoretical ramifications of touching Carson Palmer. Ravens 26, Bengals 19.

Pittsburgh (-10.5) at DETROIT [44]: You may not have sought our advice on this game, but truth be told? You asked with your eyes, man. You asked with your eyes. Steelers 31, Lions 20.

Atlanta (+2.5) at SAN FRANCISCO [41]: We’ve been pushing the NFL to create a line of football-themed Halloween costumes and decorations. Wouldn’t a light-up face of Mike Singletary staring out the window scare the hell out of any kid? 49ers 23, Falcons 20.

New England (-3) at DENVER [41]: The reunion of two of the league’s most casually dressed coaches. Call it “Boyz In Da Hoodies.” Patriots 26, Broncos 21.

Houston (+5.5) at ARIZONA [49]: Everything’s bigger in Texas – with the exception of the ability of the Texans to stop anything resembling a professional running game. Cardinals 27, Texans 21.

Jacksonville (+1) at SEATTLE [NL]: If the Seahawks were smart, they’d wear those lime-green abominations all season. Those things are the visual equivalent of getting poked in the eye by Moe Howard all day. Jaguars 22, Seahawks 19.

Indianapolis (-3.5) at TENNESSEE [45.5]: The look on the Titans’ head coach as his team dropped to 0-4 on the season? Fisher priceless. Colts 26, Titans 19.

NY Jets (-1.5) at MIAMI [36.5]: We’re afraid facing the Jet defense doesn’t leave Miami Henne chance at all. Jets 22, Dolphins 16.

Lock of the Week: New England
Trifecta: New England, Jacksonville, New York Jets

2009 Week Four Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 11-3
Against The Spread: 7-7
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-670

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 48-14
Against The Spread: 36-26
Lock of the Week: 1-3
Trifecta: 1-3
Money: $-260

2009 Week Three Money Spent: $15
2009 Week Three Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $70
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $30

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

Final stats for Week Four:

2009 Week Four Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 11-3
Against The Spread: 7-7
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-670

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 48-14
Against The Spread: 36-26
Lock of the Week: 1-3
Trifecta: 1-3
Money: $-260

2009 Week Three Money Spent: $15
2009 Week Three Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $70
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $30

Top 10 Reasons To Hope Rush Limbaugh Lands The Rams

10. Chants of "Rush! Rush!" might get the Rams to give Steven Jackson the ball 30 times like they should be doing.

9. Concession sales of nachos and chili cheese dogs guaranteed to skyrocket.

8. Ready-made promotion: "Husky Narrow-Minded Bigot" Night.

7. Might drive Al Franken to buy the Chiefs.

6. He can't be any worse at owning a sports franchise than George W. Bush.

5. Leftover Green Bay Cheeseheads easily convertible to Dittoheads.

4. Budweiser theme song replaced on PA system by "Barack The Magic Negro."

3. Offensive linemen won't feel so fat around him.

2. Players will have access to OxyContin right in the owner's box.

1. Maybe it will get him off the radio.

Welcome to Week Four of the 2009 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where after last week, we'd have Nostradamus cowering in the corner and mumbling about Hister.

The Hoser pounded it like schnitzel in Week Three to the tune of 12-4 against the spread and 13-3 straight up. We also tabbed Green Bay for the Lock of the Week and added Denver and Indianapolis for the Trifecta, scoring a nifty $1,160 profit.

This puts us in the black for what most likely will be the last time this season, as we’re starting to hit bye weeks. That ups the Lock to $500 per week, and as you all know, our grasp on the Lock is about as solid as Amy Winehouse’s on reality.

We’re altering our bet on which NFL coach will be fired first from San Diego’s Norv Turner to Washington’s Jim Zorn. Turner hasn’t gotten any smarter, but how can Zorn stand there during a loss to the Lions looking as if he’s getting his shoes shined? We hear Mike Shanahan and Jon Gruden are possible replacements, and both of them would have appeared to have been getting a watermelon colonoscopy during that game.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as driving around with your windows down singing “Don’t Stop Believin’” along with the cast of “Glee” on your iPod – not that The Hoser actually got busted doing that, ahem, but it just wouldn’t be advisable.

Oakland (+9.5) at HOUSTON [41] – You can go ahead and get your Michael Vick Raiders jerseys printed now. Texans 30, Raiders 17.

Tennessee (-2.5) at JACKSONVILLE [41] – Titans quarterback Kerry Collins threw 13 straight incompletions last week. The Hoser would have about the same rate of completed passes at the Playboy Mansion. Titans 24, Jags 20.

Baltimore (+2) at NEW ENGLAND [44.5] – We really, really want to pick the Ravens in this game, but it just feels weird. Going against the Pats seems like saying we think the sun revolves around the Earth. Patriots 26, Ravens 21.

Cincinnati (-5.5) at CLEVELAND [38] – It’s hard to think of this “The Battle of Ohio” when the Browns are the equivalent of the Swiss Navy. Bengals 21, Browns 17.

N.Y. Giants (-9) at KANSAS CITY [42.5] -- The front page for the web site of the Kansas City Chiefs shows head coach Todd Haley standing still with blurred players streaking by him. Unfortunately, it’s going to be like that all season for the Chiefs. Giants 30, Chiefs 16.

Detroit (+11) at CHICAGO [39] – One losing streak ends and another begins. Bears 24, Lions 17.

Tampa Bay (+7) at WASHINGTON [37] – This game’s a dog, but for fun, watch for Washington owner Dan Snyder in his luxury box, and then try to guess how many phone books he’s sitting on to be able to see over the bar. Racists 17, Buccaneers 14.

Seattle (+10.5) at INDIANAPOLIS [44] – Forget steroids. We want the NFL to investigate whether the Colts have a stud wide receiver cloning facility located under Lucas Oil Stadium. Colts 30, Seahawks 16.

New York Jets (+6.5) at NEW ORLEANS [45.5] – Stay far, far away from betting on this game. Pretend it’s a sitcom on NBC. Saints 26, Jets 24.

Buffalo (+2) at MIAMI [36.5] – The Dolphins have lost quarterback Chad Pennington to a season-ending shoulder injury. Couldn’t Pennington be just as effective throwing with his left arm? Bills 20, Dolphins 17.

St. Louis (+10) at SAN FRANCISCO [37.5] – The Rams may have lost Marc Bulger for this week, but we hear Peter North is available. 49ers 23, Rams 16.

Dallas (-4) at DENVER [43.5] – The Hoser sent a staff member to the Cowboys’ web site to find something funny to say this week, but instead we ended up with a keyboard covered in drool and a hard drive full of downloaded photos. Damn you, Cage Dancers! Broncos 23, Cowboys 20.

San Diego (+6.5) at PITTSBURGH [43] – Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger will be hosting WWE Raw on Monday evening. We’ll donate $50 to the favourite charity of the wrestler who walks out wearing a motorcycle helmet. Steelers 24, Chargers 20.

Green Bay (+3.5) at MINNESOTA [46] – We would have been much more amenable to seeing Brett Favre return if we had known the Vikings would be putting Trent Dilfer’s brain in Favre’s head. Packers 27, Vikings 21.

Lock of the Week: Green Bay
Trifecta: Green Bay, Denver, New England
Over/Under Good Buys: Houston/Oakland Over

2009 Week Three Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 13-3
Against The Spread: 12-4
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,160

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 37-11
Against The Spread: 29-19
Lock of the Week: 1-2
Trifecta: 1-2
Money: $410

2009 Week Three Money Spent: $15
2009 Week Three Money Made: $50
2009 Season Money Spent: $55
2009 Season Money Made: $100
2009 Total: $45


The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.