Friday, November 06, 2009

Welcome to 2009 Week Nine, our annual haiku edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, and where we’re well versed in losing money.

The Hoser had an extremely odd week. We watched as it appeared we were blown out of the water right out of the gate, but because of the number of underdogs we picked to cover, we managed to go 8-5 against the spread. Of course, we were just 7-6 straight up and missed both the Lock of the Week and the Trifecta.

In honour this special week, here’s a starter haiku for our friends out in Raiderland:

Those charges will keep
Tom from laying his Cable
In the near future.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as offering your body in trade for World Series tickets.

Kansas City (+6.5) at JACKSONVILLE [41.5]:

K.C.’s in turmoil
Because a running back is
Acting like his name.

Jaguars 29, Chiefs 14.

Baltimore (-3) at CINCINNATI [43.5]:

The Bengals: At last
At least more popular than
homey Nick Lachey.

Ravens 21, Bengals 19.

Houston (+9) at INDIANAPOLIS [48]:

Manning at the helm
Means we’re Slaton a beating
For the visitors.

Colts 28, Texans 20.

Washington (+10) at ATLANTA [41.5]:

Good thing it’s haiku
There’s nothing much funny that
Rhymes well with “racist.”

Falcons 26, Racists 13.

Green Bay (-9.5) at TAMPA BAY [43.5]:

The Packers bounce back
Winning and sticking it in
Tampa’s Buccaneer.

Packers 31, Buccaneers 16.

Arizona (+3) at CHICAGO [44.5]:

Warner’s looking old;
Who’s going to take over?
Lein(art) forms to your right.

Bears 24, Cardinals 20.

Miami (+10.5) at NEW ENGLAND [46.5]:

The Dolphins love tricks
But the Patriots will change
“Wildcat” to “Mildcat.”

New England 30, Miami 21.

Carolina (+13) at NEW ORLEANS [51.5]:

The Panthers don’t suck
But for New Orleans, this game
Will still be a Brees.

Saints 31, Panthers 20.

Detroit (+10) at SEATTLE [43]:

Things are still rough, but
At least Lions fans can say,
“There’s no Matt Millen.”

Seahawks 26, Lions 13.

Tennessee (+4.5) at SAN FRANCISCO [41]:

The switch has been made,
And we know the Titans are
Again Young at heart.

Titans 22, 49ers 20.

San Diego (+4.5) at NEW YORK GIANTS [47.5]:

Eli and Peyton?
Weird names, but we guess it beats
Being called Archie.

Chargers 26, Giants 23.

Pittsburgh (-3) at DENVER [39.5]:

It’s a Samoan phrase
Meaning “kicks ass with great hair”:
Troy Polamalu.

Steelers 22, Broncos 20.

Dallas (+3) at PHILADELPHIA [48]:

It’s a Jerry phrase
Meaning “Attention whore here!”

Eagles 26, Cowboys 21.

Lock of the Week: San Diego
Trifecta: San Diego, Seattle, Carolina

2009 Week Eight Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 7-6
Against The Spread: 8-5
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-350

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 82-34
Against The Spread: 64-51-1
Lock of the Week: 3-5
Trifecta: 2-6
Money: $140

2009 Week Eight Money Spent: $25
2009 Week Eight Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $160
2009 Season Money Made: $150
2009 Total: $-10

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

your a douchebag. and f*$k canada..