Thursday, November 12, 2009

Welcome to 2009 Week 10 of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we’re sure you’ll all be thankful we’ll be brief (trade show this week – I’ll be the guy in the “Norman Chad rocks!” t-shirt).

The Hoser has a very big cookie bouquet on the way to Detroit quarterback Matthew Stafford, whose pick six led to Seattle covering at the very end of the game. That gave both our Lock of the Week and the Trifecta. We were 8-5 against the spread and 9-4 straight up.

That’s a three-week run of 25-13-1 against the spread and two of three Locks and Trifectas. We’d get a swelled head, but we already wear a size 7 ¾ baseball cap, so it’s a little late for that.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as getting your news from FOX.

Chicago (+3) at SAN FRANCISCO [43.5]: 49ers tight end Vernon Davis had some unflattering things to say this week about the Bears’ defense, but they couldn’t have been any uglier than what we suspect is being said around Chicago itself. 49ers 23, Bears 17.

Jacksonville (+7) at NY JETS [40.5]: Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez – from GQ to PU in two months. Jets 23, Jaguars 17.

Denver (-3.5) at WASHINGTON [37]: Boy, Sherman Lewis fixed everything, huh? Broncos 24, Racists 16.

Cincinnati (+7) at PITTSBURGH [41.5]: Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco has been told not to send mustard to the Steelers, but we guarantee they’ll relish shutting his ass down. Steelers 27, Bengals 17.

Buffalo (+6.5) at TENNESSEE [41]: You know, if the Titans win out … (slaps self). Titans 31, Bills 13.

Detroit (+16.5) at MINNESOTA [47]: This will be a terrible game, but the good news? There’ll be plenty of time to run to the kitchen for lutefisk! Vikings 34, Lions 16.

New Orleans (-13.5) at ST LOUIS [50]: The Rams have a total of eight touchdowns this season. That’s awful, but it’s eight more than The Hoser scored in his 13-year football career. Saints 40, Rams 17.

Atlanta (-1.5) at CAROLINA [43.5]: Nothing could be finer than to visit Carolina and get back to your winning ways. Falcons 26, Panthers 17.

Tampa Bay (+10) at MIAMI [44]: Project Runway would have a fit, but we say ride those Creamsicle unis until the winning streak ends – which it will here anyway. Dolphins 24, Buccaneers 17.

Kansas City (+2) at OAKLAND [36.5]: Both of these teams would benefit from losing this game, and neither organization is probably smart enough to drop it on purpose. Raiders 20, Chiefs 16.

Seattle (+8.5) at ARIZONA [47]: (Our) reports of the demise of Kurt Warner were apparently greatly exaggerated. Nice to see Matt Leinart get a chance to prove he’s the heir apparent, though, wasn’t it? Cardinals 27, Seahawks 20.

Philadelphia (+1) at SAN DIEGO [47]: The Chargers are back. We can tell the swagger’s returned because Shawne Merriman has his Kijiji ad – “WANTED: TALENTLESS BIMBOS” – up again. Chargers 24, Eagles 21.

Dallas (-2.5) at GREEN BAY [47.5]: Did the Pope visit the Packers in the offseason, because man, is that offensive line holy! Cowboys 26, Packers 23.

New England (+3) at INDIANAPOLIS [49.5]: Tougher to call than a friend at a Motorhead concert, but we like the Colts to stay undefeated. Colts 24, Patriots 23.

Baltimore (-10.5) at CLEVELAND [40]: MNF couldn’t switch out of this one? Ravens 20, Browns 13.

Lock of the Week: San Diego

Trifecta: San Diego, Oakland, Tennessee

2009 Week Nine Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 9-4
Against The Spread: 8-5
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 1-0
Money: $1,350

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 91-36
Against The Spread: 72-56-1
Lock of the Week: 4-5
Trifecta: 3-6
Money: $1,490

2009 Week Nine Money Spent: $25
2009 Week Nine Money Made: $50
2009 Season Money Spent: $185
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $15

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

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