Wednesday, March 22, 2006

News N' Notes from around the sports world:

* The University of Tennessee's Candice Parker became the first woman to dunk in the NCAA Tournament, flushing a pair in the Lady Vols' win over Army. New York Knicks general manager Isiah Thomas is apparently interested in Parker, saying she had "great leaping ability and a sweet ass."
* The Toronto Argonauts signed former South African rugby player Jaco Booyens as a punter/placekicker. This isn't a move to push incumbent Noel Prefontaine, but rather an attempt to get ESPN Sportscenter's Stuart Scott to use CFL highlights. How can he pass up the chance to scream, "Last-second field goal ... BOOYENS!"
* U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has apparently withdrawn her name from the running to replace retiring NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue. Dick Cheney, however, remains the favorite to take over the presidency of the National Shoot-A-Buddy-In-The-Face Society.
* Washington Nationals second baseman Alfonso Soriano has finally agreed to a move to the outfield after clarifying his concerns. Soriano will play left field in every park except PacBell, where he said he fears being stuck by discarded syringes.
* The St. Louis Cardinals announced this afternoon that former Oriole and three-time DUI loser Sidney Ponson had won the final spot in the rotation this season. Perhaps not surprisingly, Ponson is penciled in as the fifth starter.
* Former Minnesota Vikings quarterback Daunte Culpepper said he did not get a lap dance from women aboard the infamous "Love Boat" cruise last October. Culpepper said he was busy playing craps with teammates during the outing, but prosecutors say they doubt the claim, as with as badly as Culpepper played last season, the dice would have surely ended up in the lake.
* Former MLB superstar Dwight Gooden admitted in court that he had recently used cociane in violation of his probation. Gooden could get up to five years in prison, but the judge has already thrown out the prosecution's suggested punishment of listening to a tandem of Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver analyzing a spring-training game as "cruel and unusual punishment."

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