Thursday, November 27, 2008

Welcome to Week 13 of the 2008 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we’re wondering how many turkey, cranberry sauce and stuffing sandwiches our mother will eat this weekend.

The Hoser went 9-7 straight up and 6-9-1 against the spread in Week 12. We picked up the Lock for the fourth week in a row, but man – did we really pick the Eagles? And the Packers? It’s so tempting to use the blog’s editing function sometimes.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as picking Detroit to cover this week, apparently.

Tennessee (-11) at DETROIT – O/U 44: We remember the Titans … back when they had a running game. They won’t score enough to cover this, even against Detroit. Titans 24, Lions 14.

Seattle (+12.5) at DALLAS – O/U 47: Apparently the oddsmakers think the Cowboys are back. Against the Seahawks, who isn’t? Cowboys 34, Seahawks 17.

Arizona (+3) at PHILADELPHIA – O/U 46.5: Are we wrong in thinking all Eagles fans want for Christmas is Andy Reid’s head? Cardinals 26, Eagles 20.

Denver (+7.5) at NY JETS – O/U 47.5: Everything negative we’ve said about Brett Favre this season, well … we still believe all of it, but the old man’s playing pretty well and it won’t stop here. Jets 27, Broncos 21.

San Francisco (+6.5) at BUFFALO – O/U 43: Maybe the most telling thing about the 49ers is their own web site has no team news since last week’s loss. Hasn’t Samurai Mike dropped his pants or anything? Bills 24, 49ers 17.

New Orleans (+4) at TAMPA BAY – O/U 48: Bad news for Drew Brees – there may be an actual defense on the field facing him this week. Buccaneers 29, Saints 20.

Carolina (+3) at GREEN BAY – O/U 43: Now we know exactly what those Cheeseheads really represent – the porous Packer secondary. Panthers 24, Packers 20.

NY Giants (-3) at WASHINGTON – O/U 42: In any other division, Washington might be running away with the title. Instead, they’re about to drop to third place. Giants 22, Racists 16.

Miami (PK) at ST LOUIS – O/U NL: Uhh, does losing Greg Camarillo really make the Dolphins a pick ‘em with the Rams? Wouldn’t they have to field actual dolphins for that to happen? Dolphins 27, Rams 20.

Baltimore (-7) at CINCINNATI – O/U 36.5: Here’s the lead of the story on the Bengals’ loss to the Steelers last week: “The Bengals' hand-crafted lineup knitted one of those efforts Thursday night at Heinz Field that had all the homespun traits of heart and grit. But they just didn't have enough yarn to trip up the AFC North-leading Steelers.” Wow. Just wow. Ravens 22, Bengals 16.

Indianapolis (-4.5) at CLEVELAND -- O/U 45: We heard a commentator ask if there was any way the Browns’ players might save head coach Romeo Crennel’s job. Sure there is – if one them finds pictures of Randy Lerner naked with several farm animals, the odds would be 50/50. Colts 24, Browns 20.

Atlanta (+5) at SAN DIEGO – O/U 49: The poor Chargers. We’re pretty sure if they ever got a double-digit lead in the fourth quarter, the blimp would crash onto the field. Chargers 31, Falcons 20.

Pittsburgh (+1) at NEW ENGLAND -- O/U 40: analyst Pat Kirwan thinks Patriots QB Matt Cassel is playing himself into a big free-agent contract. That’s nice, but what we all want to know is – when will he score the requisite model girlfriend? Patriots 23, Steelers 17.

Kansas City (+3) at OAKLAND – O/U 41.5: Warning – view this game directly after a meal of Thanksgiving leftovers could cause nausea and vomiting. Raiders 24, Chiefs 20.

Chicago (+3.5) at MINNESOTA – O/U 42.5: Couldn’t Vikings head coach Brad Childress motivate his troops by threatening an all-you-can-eat lutefisk feast if they lose? Vikings 23, Bears 16.

Jacksonville (+3.5) at HOUSTON – O/U 48.5: This stinker will have NFL fans cueing up The Boomtown Rats. Texans 24, Jaguars 21.

Lock of the Week: Miami

Trifecta: Miami, New England, Carolina

Week 12 Results:

Straight Up: 9-7

Against The Spread: 6-9-1

Lock of the Week: 1-0

Trifecta: 0-1

Money Banked: $-260

Season Results:

Straight Up: 112-64

Against The Spread: 81-81-4

Lock of the Week: 7-5

Trifecta: 0-12

Money Count: $-2,380

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

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