Thursday, November 20, 2008

Welcome to Week 12 of the 2008 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we’re still wondering who in the hell would buy stock in a company called in the first place.

The Hoser went 10-6 straight up and 8-8 against the spread in Week 10. We did manage to make it three weeks in a row on the Lock, but that allowed us just a paltry $60 gain for the week, and as we found out today, that doesn't even buy you a $^%#ing Lego set any more.

Not football, but does anyone else think the Republicans tanked the presidential election this year? They knew they were toast from the outset, and they knew the new candidate would have a terrible economy and Iraq to handle, right? So why not offer up an aging candidate – and then saddle him with the worst running mate since Lawrence Phillips?

And no, we haven’t been listening to “Coast To Coast AM” – well, not more than normal, anyway.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as standing on the sidewalk outside a high-rise brokerage building.

Cincinnati (+11) at PITTSBURGH – O/U 34.5: Bengals WR Chad Johnson has apparently been deactivated for Thursday night’s game against the Steelers for a violation of a team rule. Funny – we hadn’t noticed he’d been on the field all year. Steelers 30, Bengals 20.

Houston (+3) at CLEVELAND – O/U 49.5: The Texans have started a Pro Bowl campaign for TE Owen Daniels. He should be a lock as long as he avoids that endorsement from Dubya. Browns 27, Texans 22.

Buffalo (-3) at KANSAS CITY – O/U 43.5: You know your season has collapsed when you’re only a field-goal favourite over the Chiefs. Chiefs 22, Bills 20.

New York Jets (+5.5) at TENNESSEE – O/U 41: We were shocked to discover Titans QB Kerry Collins is now 13th on the NFL’s all-time passing yardage list. It still doesn’t help him wrest away the title of Greatest Titan Ever away from … Al Del Greco! Titans 20, Jets 17.

New England (+1.5) at MIAMI – O/U 41.5: We still can’t used to the Dolphins being favoured over the Patriots. Is Tony Eason at QB for the Pats tonight? Patriots 22, Dolphins 16.

San Francisco (+10.5) at DALLAS – O/U 47: The NFL head office has reinstated Dallas DB Adam “Pacman” Jones. There was some doubt, but Cowboys lawyers found the “Last Last Last Last Last Last Last Last Last Last Chance” provision in the league’s books. Cowboys 23, 49ers 14.

Tampa Bay (-9) at DETROIT – O/U 41.5: It must be horrible to live in Detroit, read about all the trouble the Big Three are having – and then realize you have to root for the Lions on Sunday. Buccaneers 27, Lions 21.

Philadelphia (+1) at BALTIMORE – O/U 39.5: What will the smart Eagles fan get Donovan McNabb this Christmas? Why, a tie, of course! Eagles 23, Ravens 16.

Chicago (-9) at ST. LOUIS – O/U 43: That talk about what a great job Jim Haslett was doing as interim coach has died down dramatically, hasn't it? Bears 26, Rams 10.

Minnesota (+2.5) at JACKSONVILLE – O/U 40: Does anyone else look at the Minnesota sideline and wonder, “When will the Vikings hire Jameson Parker and reunite Simon & Simon?” Jaguars 23, Vikings 19.

Carolina (+1) at ATLANTA – O/U 42.5: We’re not saying Jake Delhomme had a bad game last week, but the Panthers’ front office called us to see if we still had Chris Weinke’s number. Falcons 24, Panthers 20.

Oakland (+10) at DENVER – O/U 43: You know how your career in the NFL as a running back is really over? If the Broncos didn’t call you this week. Broncos 30, Raiders 16.

Washington (-3) at SEATTLE – O/U 41.5: This line’s only moderately possible because the Seahawks have the scoring power of Andrew Squigman. Racists 24, Seahawks 17.

NY Giants (-3) at ARIZONA – O/U 48.5: Reports have surfaced that Cards RB Edgerrin James has requested a trade after getting only five carries in the last three weeks. We’d be more apt to believe agent Drew Rosenhaus must have a house payment coming up and needs a signing-bonus cut. Giants 27, Cards 23.

Indianapolis (+3) at SAN DIEGO – O/U 49.5: Is it just us, or aren’t the Colts pretty clearly better than the Chargers? Colts 27, Chargers 21.

Green Bay (+2.5) at NEW ORLEANS – O/U 52.5: This game is nice for Brett Favre – he can save cell minutes and just drive over to the SuperDome to tell the Saints what to expect from Green Bay. Packers 28, Saints 24.

Lock of the Week: Indianapolis

Trifecta: Indianapolis, Philadelphia, Green Bay

Week 11 Results:

Straight Up: 10-6

Against The Spread: 8-8

Lock of the Week: 1-0

Trifecta: 0-1

Money Banked: $+60

Season Results:

Straight Up: 103-57

Against The Spread: 75-72-3

Lock of the Week: 6-5

Trifecta: 0-11

Money Count: $-2,120

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

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