Thursday, November 06, 2008

Welcome to Week Ten of the 2008 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we’re wondering if anyone still refers to Calgon as the ancient Chinese secret.

The Hoser went just 8-6 straight up, but hammered out a 10-4 mark against the spread in Week 9, also picking up the Lock of the Week. Frankly, watching the games on Sunday, we were almost sure this would be our worst week ever -- before Detroit and KC helped us out.

This is always one of our most popular weeks of the season -- haiku time! As is also the case in our prognosticating, we have no particular gift in this area. It's just fun, and it's definitely easier than writing sonnets.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Sarah Palin set up your trip to Africa.

Jacksonville (-7) at DETROIT -- O/U 44.5:

Lions fans, no stockings
Christmas has already come
Matt Millen is gone!

Jaguars 28, Lions 20

Tennessee (-3) at CHICAGO -- O/U 39:

It's a horror flick
Look out, Chicago, it's the
Return Of The Grossman!

Titans 20, Bears 14.

Buffalo (+4) at NEW ENGLAND -- O/U 41.5:

The game's in Foxboro,
which is good -- we bet they have

Patriots 21, Bills 20.

New Orleans (PK) at ATLANTA -- O/U 50:

Sarah Palin wants
wolves shot from airplanes, and it's
Michael Vick in jail?

Atlanta 22, New Orleans 20.

St. Louis (+8) at N.Y. JETS -- O/U 45:

What do Brett Favre and
Judge Smails' kid have in common?
They're both prone to picks.

Jets 26, Rams 24.

Seattle (+9) at MIAMI -- O/U 43.5:

Poor Ricky Williams.
His career down the drain like
so much bongwater.

Dolphins 27, Seahawks 17.

Green Bay (+2.5) at MINNESOTA -- O/U 46:

Packer fans must be sad
About Favre's traitorous call
What a LamBonehead.

Vikings 23, Packers 19.

Carolina (-9) at OAKLAND -- O/U 38:

Football thesaurus,
under the listing for "bust":
JaMarcus Russell.

Panthers 22, Raiders 14.

Kansas City (+15) at SAN DIEGO -- O/U 47:

More than two touchdowns?
Did the Chargers just re-sign
Touchdown Danny Fouts?

Chargers 27, Chiefs 17.

Indianapolis (+3) at PITTSBURGH -- O/U 40.5:

Eli's the hot one,
But Peyton's still tops in squats
on trainer's faces.

Steelers 26, Colts 21.

New York Giants (+3) at PHILADELPHIA -- O/U 44:

We like the Eagles,
But please remind DeSean J:
"Ball must cross the line!"

Eagles 33, Giants 28.

Baltimore (PK) at HOUSTON -- O/U 41.5:

Spicing up your O
By trying out Houston's Sage?
Trust us -- it ain't thyme.

Ravens 22, Texans 16.

San Francisco (+10) at ARIZONA -- O/U 46:

Hey, Singletary!
The league wants you to have this
free trial of Xanax.

Cardinals 30, 49ers 13.

Lock of the Week: Kansas City

Trifecta: Kansas City, Ravens, St. Louis

Week Nine Results:

Straight Up: 8-6

Against The Spread: 10-4

Lock of the Week: 1-0

Trifecta: 0-1

Money Banked: $+860

Season Results:

Straight Up: 82-48

Against The Spread: 62-55-3

Lock of the Week: 4-5

Trifecta: 0-9

Money Count: $-2,040

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.


Anonymous said...

Is this supposed to be funny?
I haven't heard "comedy" this confusing since Dennis Miller was on Monday Night Football!

Wayne Frazer said...

Dennis Miller? Sir, you could not have complimented me more highly!