Thursday, September 25, 2008

Welcome to Week Four of the 2008 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where we fell faster than AIG stock.

The Hoser stumbled to a 7-9 week against the spread and missed both the Lock of the Week and (of course) the Trifecta. Going 12-4 straight up is absolutely no consolation, especially considering our friend Jungle Dan picked up nearly $4,000 on the Pro Picks Pool by hitting 15 games.

What’s his secret? Dan had a little late cash come his way and filled out the card on his way to the gas station. He did pick 75% home winners, but which game did he miss, you ask? The freaking Cleveland/Baltimore game. That proves he was almost choosing at random, especially considering he got Miami over New England.

Meanwhile, we here at Hoser Central were deeply saddened by the firing of Lions GM Matt Millen. We can only hope he lands another job – as we have about six months’ worth of material already in the can.

If you have knees and a heart, join The Hoser and his staff in saying a little prayer for Tampa Bay kicker Matt Bryant and his family, who lost their six-month-old son this week. You’re in our thoughts, folks.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as not forcing Al Davis to take his meds.

Denver (-9.5) at KANSAS CITY – O/U 46.5: If Atlanta scored 38 on the Chiefs, how many will the Broncos run up? Too bad we don’t know how to make the infinity sign on this keyboard. Broncos 37, Chiefs 17.

Cleveland (+3) at CINCINNATI – O/U 43.5: Rumour has it former Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher has bought a house in the Cleveland area just in case Romeo Crennel gets canned. Just in case? Bengals 22, Browns 17.

Houston (+7.5) at JACKSONVILLE – O/U 41.5: So, Texans QB Matt Schaub throws three picks and keeps his starting gig? Who’s the back-up there – Garo Yepremian? Jaguars 24, Texans 17.

Arizona (+1.5) at N.Y. JETS – O/U 45: Could someone point out to us in which Jets game New York has looked better than the Cardinals in any of their games? God help us, we might make the Cards the Lock again. Arizona 29, New York Jets 19.

San Francisco (+6) at NEW ORLEANS – O/U 48.5: It boggles the mind to think Detroit fired Mike Martz last year, but kept Matt Millen until this week. That’s from the minds that kept making SUVs when gas went over $2 a gallon. Saints 30, 49ers 27.

Atlanta (+7.5) at CAROLINA – O/U 39.5: We said last week hopefully the Falcons learned the magic rule with two stud RBs and one young QB – two runs for every pass. A quick look at the stats shows Atlanta threw 18 times and ran 36. Someone’s actually listening out there! Panthers 22, Falcons 16.

Minnesota (+3.5) at TENNESSEE – O/U 36.5: Gus Frerotte vs. Kerry Collins. This game is so 1990s, they should have Roxette play the halftime show. Titans 24, Vikings 20.

Green Bay (+1.5) at TAMPA BAY – O/U 42: We don’t want to say Bucs WR Ike Hilliard is old … but he remembers when John McCain actually made sense when he talked. Packers 23, Buccaneers 20.

Buffalo (-8) at ST. LOUIS – O/U 42: Trent Green. Really. Mother*&^*ing Trent Green. Bills 33, Rams 14.

San Diego (-7) at OAKLAND – O/U 45.5: During this constant babble about Raiders head coach Lane Kiffin possibly losing his job, has anyone else kept hearing the Japanese guy from Better Off Dead saying, “Young Lane Myer …” Chargers 27, Raiders 14.

Washington (+11) at DALLAS – O/U 46.5: The Cowboys are the best team in football, and even a fired-up Washington squad will do nothing to stop the D-Train. Still, a late touchdown brings the game in under the line. Cowboys 31, Racists 21.

Philadelphia (-3) at CHICAGO – O/U 40.5: Word has leaked on why the Eagles are playing so well. Head coach Andy Reid has threatened to make his team wear those godawful periwinkle and yellow throwback jerseys again if they don’t put out. Eagles 23, Bears 17.

Baltimore (+5.5) at PITTSBURGH – O/U 34.5: Poor Ben Roethlisberger. Jenna Jameson never took a pounding that long and hard. Steelers 20, Ravens 17.

Lock of the Week: Denver

Trifecta: Denver, Buffalo, Arizona

Over/Under Good Buys: Buffalo/St. Louis OVER

Week Three Results:

Straight Up: 12-4

Against The Spread: 7-9

Lock of the Week: 0-1

Trifecta: 0-1

Money Banked: $-660

Season Results:

Straight Up: 32-15

Against The Spread: 25-20-2

Lock of the Week: 1-2

Trifecta: 1-2

Money Count: $-470

The Hoser’s format: The format will stay as it has been for the past two seasons – each game is $100 ATS, with a $100 Trifecta and a $300 Lock of the Week for an even $2K per week. When the bye weeks begin, we’ll jump the Lock to $500 to keep the number even. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.


Anonymous said...

Whats the deal with calling the Redskins racist? Pretty lame dude. I'm sorry I clicked on your article. Obviously you need not be very intelligent to get a article posted through the SportsFilter. Go watch some hockey you stupid Canadian!

Wayne Frazer said...

A lesson for our new, unlearned friend -- "redskin" is a derogatory reference to Native Americans.

There is absolutely no reason for Washington to continue using it because a) it's not widely used any longer and b) it's blatantly offensive.

If you don't find it racist, well, that speaks volumes in itself, doesn't it?

P.S. -- I grew up in the States. I didn't leave because of people like you ... but it didn't make me want to stay, either.

mike said...

Your comment on jenna jameson not being pounded that long or hard was funny as hell,I havent laughed that hard in a while.By the way I have seen some of her movies ,so ben took a hell of a beating.

Wayne Frazer said...

Thanks, Mike ... it's good to know the porn crowd reads. I'll try to work in some Christy Canyon material next week!

Anonymous said...

I am well aware that the word "redskin" was a dergatory referance to Native Americans 100 years ago. I don't really think anyone cares anymore, other than people who have no other reason to live than to complain about things that don't really affect them(Canadians).

By calling the Redskins "racist" you yourself offend the team and the fans who have no control over the teams name. The NFL controls the team names, not the teams. So if the NFL wanted to change the name it would. Maybe you should refer to the entire NFL as the "Racist League" and not write about anymore.

Wayne Frazer said...

So you're aware it's a racist term, and you're making the judgment on your own it's no longer racist?

Tell you what -- go to the next Native American protest you can find and call the biggest guy there a "redskin", and let me know how that works out for you.

As for the NFL's control into names, I'll look into it, but I'm pretty sure Dan Snyder could force the league's hand if necessary. It's just that money's more important than in integrity, I guess.

Anonymous said...

Just keep picking the Skins to lose, that's all I ask! The last 2 weeks your picks have not looked the best, eh?

Anonymous said...

Not very good picks!