Saturday, December 19, 2009

Welcome to The Hoser’s NFL Picks 2009 Week 15, where we're just flat out of time.

The Hoser continued to roll in Week 14, posting a 10-6 record against the spread and 12-4 straight up. The Cowboys didn’t let us down, choking one off against the Chargers to nail down the Lock. Unfortunately, Arizona and its amazing juggling act cost us the Trifecta. Can’t have everything – where would you put it? (Remind me to send a nickel to Steven Wright.)

Many of these lines are lifted from because Danny Sheridan wouldn’t list the lines on games with major injuries. We understand, but we don’t have that problem because our picks are about as scientific as a Baptist revival.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as waiting until the last minute and buying your wife's gifts at the 7-11.

Indianapolis (-3) at JACKSONVILLE [43]: Apparently the Jaguar mascot got hung up 100 feet in the air over the field before last week's game. Pretty fitting metaphor for Jacksonville's progress this season, huh? Colts 23, Jaguars 17.

Dallas (+7.5) at NEW ORLEANS [53.5]: Think the Cowboys have started booking their February golf outings yet? Saints 31, Cowboys 23.

Green Bay (+2) at PITTSBURGH [41]: Ah, we remember when Mike Tomlin was a young genius. Didn't that happen to Eric Mangini? Packers 22, Steelers 19.

Miami (+3) at TENNESSEE [40]: One streak ends and another begins. Titans 24, Dolphins 20.

New England (-7) at BUFFALO [40.5]: Functioning without an offensive coordinator this season, the Patriots have had trouble scoring. Too bad you can’t say the same for that mascot dude. Patriots 24, Bills 14.

Arizona (-12) at DETROIT [46.5]: If the Cardinals turn the ball over seven times this week, they’re still going to win, aren’t they? Cardinals 37, Lions 17.

San Francisco (+8) at PHILADELPHIA [42.5]: The Hoser released 49ers tight end Vernon Davis from his fantasy team last season. Twice. No, we're not winning our league this year, either. Eagles 27, 49ers 17.

Atlanta (+5) at NY JETS [NL]: When is Broadway Mark Sanchez going to do a pantyhose ad? Jets 21, Falcons 19.

Chicago (+11) at BALTIMORE [40.5]: You know things are going bad when Bears fans are fondly reminiscing about the Dick Jauron era. Ravens 23, Bears 14.

Cleveland (+1.5) at KANSAS CITY [37]: There's nothing funny about this match-up. Chiefs 20, Browns 17.

Houston (-10) at ST. LOUIS [43]: The line on this game is delayed because Rams quarterback Marc Bulger may be sidelined again. We can’t figure out if that would move it for or against St. Louis, though. Texans 29, Rams 16.

Cincinnati (+6.5) at SAN DIEGO [43.5]: RIP Chris Henry. Chargers 26, Bengals 17.

Oakland (+14) at DENVER [37]: This is a statement game. For the Broncos, it's a chance to solidify their playoff hopes. For the Raiders, it's another chance to say, "Yes, we completely fucked up our last few first-round draft picks." Broncos 31, Raiders 13.

Tampa Bay (+6.5) at SEATTLE [39.5]: These two teams should skip the game and have an "Ugliest Alternate Uniform" catwalkoff. Seahawks 27, Buccaneers 17.

Minnesota (-9) at CAROLINA [43]: Tougher to kick -- a crack addiction or our reliance on Jake Delhomme jokes. We've got the shakes thinking about him retiring already. Vikings 38, Panthers 17.

NY Giants (-3) at WASHINGTON [44]: We hate to admit it, but Washington starting to look pretty decent. Ugh ... we need a shower. Racists 23, GIants 22.

Lock of the Week: San Diego
Trifecta: San Diego, Minnesota, Green Bay

2009 Week 14 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 12-4
Against The Spread: 10-6
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $740

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 148-59
Against The Spread: 114-94-2
Lock of the Week: 8-6
Trifecta: 3-11
Money: $+2,730

2009 Week 14 Money Spent: $0
2009 Week 14 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $215
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $-15

The Hoser’s format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week with $100 at 6:1 for the Trifecta. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.

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