Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A customer came in my store the other night and browsed a bit before approaching me. Here's the conversation, as best as I can recall it:

Customer: "Is there another store like yours around here?"
Me: "I'm sorry?"
Customer: "Is there another store like yours around here?"
Me: "Are you asking if there's another store in town that sells autographs or jerseys?"
Customer: (getting snotty) "I'm asking if other stores sell the same things you do."
Me: "Yes, there are other stores that selling autographs and jerseys, although I can't guarantee they'll have the same mix we do."
Customer: "Where are they?"
Me: "Is there something specific you're looking for? I might be able to ..."
Customer: (interrupts and now rude) "I just want to know where the other stores are!"
Me: "They're at other malls! There's one THAT way (pointing south) and one THAT way (pointing NORTH)! Tell them we sent you!"

I felt like John Cleese in the Monty Python "Bookshop" sketch -- "Why don't you try W.H. Smith's?"

I'm going to start advocating the modification of an old bit Gallagher used to push. It involved receiving a small kit when you renewed your license plates. The kit contained a dart gun and three suction darts with "moron" flags attached. That way, when you saw someone driving like a fool, you'd shoot the car with the dart and a cop could write you a citation for, well, "being a moron."

My variation also involves three "MORON" stickers issued by the government on your birthday, and when someone sufficiently pisses you off, you affix the "MORON" tag to his or her forehead. As an added bonus, you get to slap the person with no fear of repercussion.

I think this would be a terrific step toward injecting a little more courtesy and civility into our world. You'd have to be judicious about issuing the "MORON" tag, as you'd only get three a year, and you'd certainly think twice about being rude if you thought you might get a pop in the mouth.

And yes, I know I'm being hypocritical. Reintroducing manners through violence and fear might be a bit harsh ... but the little bastard wearing the "God is a cunt" t-shirt deserves it.

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