Welcome to Week Eighteen of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where heading into the postseason, we’re flying higher than a hitcher in the back of Nate Newton’s van.

The Hoser hammered it last week, going 10-6 straight up and a smoking 12-4 against the spread. We also nailed our Lock (thank you, Arizona), but missed the Trifecta (Nice effort, Cincy – it was only a chance at the postseason!). As I said earlier, the best thing about this week is it allowed The Hoser to finish over .500 for the season. If we hadn't closed fast in the past four weeks, we would have been replaced by a chimpanzee making his picks by throwing feces at a chart on the wall.

Which, to be honest, is pretty much how the staff at The Hoser does it anyway.

Remember -- these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as buying a used car from Nick Saban.

Kansas City @ INDIANAPOLIS (-6.5): It doesn’t matter whether the Chiefs backed in, slid in or Electric Boogaloo’d in – what matters is Indy’s absolutely atrocious rushing defense. Seriously, the Colts give it up on the ground like Paris Hilton on a camping trip.

Expect Larry Johnson to go berserk (think 160 yards and 2 TDs), but it still won’t be enough. The Colts haven’t played well down the stretch, but they are 8-0 at home this season, and they also get to face Kansas City’s secondary, which gives it up in the air like Paris Hilton … well, you get the idea. Indianapolis 33, Kansas City 27.

Dallas @ SEATTLE (-3): We freely admit it – we’re rooting for the Seahawks. After an injury-riddled season, Seattle has both Matt Hasslebeck and Shawn Alexander back, but also has huge issues in the secondary (Kelly Herndon and Marcus Trufant are sidelined and Jimmy Williams is a question mark).

It comes down to whether or not Tony Romo can tear himself away from his rotating carousel of lousy blonde singers long enough to find Terrell Owens and Terry Glenn, both of whom should be open most of the day. We’re betting he can and will. Dallas 26, Seattle 20.

New York Jets @ NEW ENGLAND (-9): We’d tab this as an easy cover, but Rodney Harrison appears to be sidelined for the week. Now Chad Pennington, whose idea of a deep ball is a middle screen, can safely work underneath.

It certainly won’t be enough for New York to dump a well-rested Patriots squad, but it should be closer than nine points. By the way, does anyone else think of “Deuce Bigalow” when an announcer says Eric Mangini’s name? New England 26, New York Jets 19.

New York Giants @ PHILADELPHIA (-6.5): The Eagles clearly should win it – they’re at home, they’ve got all the mo’, and Jeff Garcia is looking like a man who deserves to have Playboy Playmates bitchslapping one another for his attentions.

Then why do we get the cold shivers trying to prognosticate this one? Because Tiki Barber ain’t goin’ out like that. The man had simply the finest game of his career to push, pull and drag the Giants into the postseason, and he won’t stop now. Plus, Eli can’t just totally suck all the time, can he? New York Giants 24, Philadelphia 22.

Lock of the Week: New York Giants

Week Seventeen:

12-4 ATS

10-6 SU

1-0 LOTW

0-1 Trifecta

+$1,080

Final Season Stats:

129-123-3 ATS

156-99 SU

7-10 Lock

2-15 Trifecta

-$2,750