Welcome to The Hoser’s NFL Picks 2009 Week 16, where we got our lump of coal a week early.

After having several good weeks in a row, The Hoser hit the nog hard and stumbled to an awful 4-10-2 mark against the spread and just 8-8 straight up. San Diego’s struggles with the Bengals cost us the Lock of the Week and the Trifecta.

Due to my illness and the Christmas rush here in The Hoser’s workshop, it’ll just be the picks this week with an occasional observation. Those, however, are more than likely just as funny as what we normally do.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as getting your wife that lingerie in an "XL" for Christmas.

Seattle (+14) at GREEN BAY [41.5]: Hammered by Tampa last week, here are other Bays which could beat Seattle – Green Bay, The Bay of Fundy, Jason Bay and any random cast of Baywatch. Packers 37, Seahawks 14.

Oakland (+3) at CLEVELAND [38]: The Raiders are about as predictable as Al Davis off his meds (Editor’s note: The Hoser has no knowledge of Mr. Davis actually being on any type of medication. If he isn’t, however, he should be.). Browns 20, Raiders 16.

Kansas City (+13) at CINCINNATI [40]: Bengals 27, Chiefs 17.

Buffalo (+9) at ATLANTA [41]: Falcons 24, Bills 17.

Houston (+3) at MIAMI [45]: Congrats to Ricky Williams for topping 1,000 rushing yards this season. No, there’s not a marijuana joke coming. Dolphins 22, Texans 17.

Carolina (+7.5) at NY GIANTS [42.5]: Anyone else sick of Gilly on SNL yet? Giants 26, Panthers 19.

Tampa Bay (+14) at NEW ORLEANS [49]: Saints 33, Buccaneers 14.

Jacksonville (+8) at NEW ENGLAND [43.5]: Patriots 24, Jaguars 14.

Baltimore (+3) at PITTSBURGH [42]: Steelers 20, Ravens 19.

Denver (+7) at PHILADELPHIA [41.5]: The Eagles awarded Michael Vick the Ed Block Courage Award this week. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Eagles 26, Broncos 20.

St. Louis (+14) at ARIZONA [43.5]: Cardinals 28, Rams 17.

Detroit (+13) at SAN FRANCISCO [41]: Putting Calvin Johnson in Detroit’s offense is like giving Van Gogh one of those Stanley paint sprayers. 49ers 26, Lions 10.

New York Jets (+5.5) at INDIANAPOLIS [40.5]: Will Peyton play past the first quarter? Does it really matter? Colts 27, Jets 14.

Dallas (-7) at WASHINGTON [42]: Do you get the idea Jim Zorn draws up plays on toilet paper while he’s in the can? Cowboys 24, Racists 19.

Minnesota (-7) at CHICAGO [41]: Here’s a tip for Brett Favre: Quarterbacks run the offense on the field, while head coaches run the entire time all the time. Note the difference. Vikings 23, Bears 14.

Lock of the Week: Miami
Trifecta: Miami, Indianapolis, Minnesota

2009 Week 14 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 8-8
Against The Spread: 4-10-2
Lock of the Week: 0-1
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $-1,200

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 156-67
Against The Spread: 118-104-4
Lock of the Week: 8-7
Trifecta: 3-12
Money: $+1,530

2009 Week 15 Money Spent: $0
2009 Week 15 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $215
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $-15

The Hoser’s format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week with $100 at 6:1 for the Trifecta. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.