Welcome to The Hoser's NFL Picks 2009 Week 12, where we’re donating some of our winnings to buy Devin Hester a new butt. As you saw, his has a crack in it.

The Hoser again went a cruddy 8-8 against the spread and an easy 14-2 straight up, which of course counts for nothing. The freaking Packers cost us our Trifecta by a half-point, but the Lock on Indy put us in the black again. That boosts us over $2,000 profit for the year – in fake money.

Here in Canada we celebrated Thanksgiving more than a month ago, which means The Hoser is now down to a half a Corningware dish of green-bean casserole. We had some this morning while we watched the parade from New York. Is there anything that doesn’t have a musical adapation right now? What’s next – “Pepto Bismol: Indigestion In Song?” Actually, we might see that if Andrew Lloyd Webber isn’t involved.

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Lucy hold the ball.

Green Bay (-10.5) at DETROIT [47.5]: Here’s your annual chance to see the Lions get stuffed. Packers 30, Lions 20.

Oakland (+13.5) at DALLAS [40]: Talk about your home cooking for Dallas’s schedule. Still, with Bruce Gradkowski under center for the Raiders, this game might not be such a turkey after all. Cowboys 28, Raiders 17.

NY Giants (-6.5) at DENVER [42]: The Broncos or canned cranberry sauce – which will be less popular this Thursday? Giants 23, Broncos 17.

Indianapolis (-3) at HOUSTON [NL]: It may be turkey time, but if Texans kicker Kris Brown misses one more important field goal, his goose will be cooked. Colts 24, Texans 17.

Cleveland (+14) at CINCINNATI [38.5]: The Bengals rebound and gobble up Cleveland. Bengals 31, Browns 19.

Chicago (+10.5) at MINNESOTA [47]: Thanksgiving means a lot to Vikings quarterback Brett Favre. After all, he was alive for the first one. Vikings 33, Bears 19.

Washington (+9) at PHILADELPHIA [41]: Wouldn’t this be a great day for Washington to change its name? Eagles 27, Redskins 13.

Miami (-3) at BUFFALO [40]: If Dolphins running back Ricky Williams told you to stop by for Thanksgiving dinner and that he would be smoking a turkey … what would you expect? Dolphins 26, Bills 16.

Arizona (+3) at TENNESSEE [NL]: Only six more to go! Titans 24, Cardinals 20.

Seattle (-3) at ST LOUIS [42.5]: Like watching two sissy cousins fighting over the last piece of mincemeat pie. Seahawks 23, Rams 17.

Tampa Bay (+12) at ATLANTA [46]: This won’t be much of a contest, but at least the Creamsicle uniforms would look nice set against the changing of the leaves. Falcons 31, Buccaneers 13.

Carolina (+3) at NY JETS [41.5]: Could Drew Stafford be more accurate with his separated left arm than either of the quarterbacks playing in this game throwing with their rights? Jets 26, Panthers 19.

Jacksonville (+3) at SAN FRANCISCO [41.5]: 49ers – that’s about what our pants size will be on Friday morning. 49ers 22, Jaguars 17.

Kansas City (+13.5) at SAN DIEGO [45]: Speaking of holidays, Christmas came early for the Chiefs last week. Expect the Grinch this Sunday. Chargers 34, Chiefs 17.

Pittsburgh (PK) at BALTIMORE [NL]: Around your (Santonio) Holmes or (Ziggy) Hood, you could make a nice (Charlie) Batch of cookies – just be sure not to (Joe) Burnett. No comment about what dinner could do to your (Willie) Colon. Steelers 20, Ravens 17.

New England (+3) at NEW ORLEANS [56]: Thanksgiving in New Orleans – if women flash you, do you throw drumsticks? Saints 31, Patriots 27.

Lock of the Week: Indianapolis
Trifecta: Indianapolis, Miami, Oakland

2009 Week 11 Hoser Picks:
Straight Up: 14-2
Against The Spread: 8-8
Lock of the Week: 1-0
Trifecta: 0-1
Money: $320

2009 Season Hoser Picks
Straight Up: 114-45
Against The Spread: 87-72-1
Lock of the Week: 6-5
Trifecta: 3-8
Money: $2,030

2009 Week 10 Money Spent: $20
2009 Week 10 Money Made: $0
2009 Season Money Spent: $205
2009 Season Money Made: $200
2009 Total: $-5

The Hoser’s format: The format plays the Lock at $500 each week with $100 at 6:1 for the Trifecta. We’ll use Danny Sheridan’s line in the USA Today each week.