Welcome to Week Fourteen of the 2007 edition of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where our losses are higher than Barry Bonds’ hat size.

The Hoser stumbled to an 8-8 week against the spread and went 9-7 straight up. Frankly, we really have no idea how we managed to get to even last week, but as we’re still hanging on to be above .500 for the season, we’ll just be grateful. Of course, Houston reverted to being Houston and boned us for the Lock and Trifecta.

Oh, and we already blew the Chicago/Washington game. Yay!

Remember – these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having two girls share one cup.

Carolina (+10.5) at JACKSONVILLE – O/U 37.5: We don’t necessarily disagree with the line here, but if the O/U is that low and the Panthers put up 31 last week, is a 10-point spread really advisable? Jaguars 27, Panthers 17.

Dallas (-10) at DETROIT – O/U 51.5: Matt Millen’s on his way to his car after a Lions game when two muggers jump him. Millen fights savagely, but the thieves finally subdue him and turn out his pockets.
“Man, you fought that hard for $1.25?” asks one of the muggers.
“Oh, man,” Millen says, “I thought you were after the $300 in my sock!”
Cowboys 36, Lions 20.

Miami (+7) at BUFFALO – O/U 36: Go watch that “Two Girls One Cup” video instead. It’ll be more pleasant. Bills 20, Dolphins 17.

New York Giants (+3) at PHILADELPHIA – O/U 42.5: We looked at this five or six times and still can’t figure it out – why the hell are the Eagles favoured? Giants 23, Eagles 20.

Oakland (+11) at GREEN BAY – O/U 41: Didn’t the Raiders just hammer Denver? Isn’t Brett Favre banged up? Does it really matter? Packers 30, Raiders 20.

Pittsburgh (+10.5) at NEW ENGLAND – O/U 48: Yes, we know it’s a sucker bet, but that little bitty half a point is going to make us bite here. Patriots 29, Steelers 20.

San Diego (PK) at TENNESSEE – O/U 41: We think Norv & Co. is figuring it out. Step One: Hand ball to LT. Step Two: Repeat Step One. Chargers 23, Titans 19.

St. Louis (+8) at CINCINNATI – O/U 47: We have loofahs less porous than Cincy’s D, and Rams’ QB Marc Bulger returns just in time to clean up. Rams 29, Bengals 23.

Tampa Bay (-2.5) at HOUSTON – O/U 40.5: We’re rooting for the Bucs just because QB Luke McCown makes us think of the fan scene in Tommy Boy. Buccaneers 23, Texans 17.

Arizona (+6.5) at SEATTLE – O/U 44.5: The Cards should have lost last week, and they will this week. Seahawks 26, Cards 23.

Minnesota (-8) at SAN FRANCISCO – O/U 39: We have learned – never, never bet the 49ers to cover anything. Vikings 30, 49ers 14.

Cleveland (-3.5) at N.Y JETS – O/U 48: Think Chad Pennington has sold his house yet? Browns 28, Jets 20.

Kansas City (+6.5) at DENVER – O/U 37.5: Why isn’t anyone talking about Mike Shanahan getting fired? Broncos 26, Chiefs 16.

Indianapolis (-9.5) at BALTIMORE – O/U 42.5: The Colts are too banged up and the Ravens are pissed. Colts 24, Ravens 20.

New Orleans (-4) at ATLANTA – O/U 43: Yay, it’s Monday Night … and … maybe there’s a rerun of “House” or something. Saints 26, Falcons 19.

Lock of the Week: New York Giants

Trifecta: New York Giants, St. Louis, Baltimore

Final Week 13 results:

ATS: 8-8

SU: 7-9

Lock of the Week: 0-1

Trifecta: 0-1

The Money Game: -$760

For the season:

ATS: 94-90-8

SU: 125-67

Lock of the Week: 4-9

Trifecta: 1-12

The Money Game: $-4,180