Welcome to Week Fourteen of The Hoser's NFL Picks, where if you round up, we were average.

The Hoser went 7-8-1 against the spread and 10-6 straight up, although we did hit our second consecutive Lock of the Week. We tried to get Danny Sheridan to give us the odds on that happening, but he just wired back two words – “No Line.”

It’s Handicapping Haiku Week here at The Hoser, where we’re nothing if not literate and urbane. We would have done this earlier, but most of our staffers thought “haiku” was a children’s beverage.

Remember -- these picks are just for fun. Using them to wager money is advisable as having Wesley Snipes do your taxes.

Editor’s Note: I already blew the Pittsburgh-Cleveland game on Thursday.

Baltimore @ KANSAS CITY (-3):

The Chiefs were handled

by the lowly Clevelanders.

Somewhere, Vermeil cries.

Ravens 19, Chiefs 16.

Atlanta @ TAMPA BAY (+3):

With mobility

and grace, Tampa fans, Vick will

stick it up your Bucs.

Falcons 29, Buccaneers 17.

Minnesota @ DETROIT (-1):

The Lions showed some life,

making the Patriots work.

Millen’s still an ass.

Lions 24, Vikings 21.

Tennessee @ HOUSTON (PK):

Who hits from 60?

Cue up The Knack parody --

it’s “My Bironas!”

Titans 23, Texans 14.

N.Y. Giants @ CAROLINA (-2.5):

Which gap is bigger --

the one between Strahan’s teeth,

or in his judgement?

Giants 23, Panthers 19.

New Orleans @ DALLAS (-7):

If Dallas decides

to roof its field, would it be

The RomoDomo?

Cowboys 27, Saints 21.

Buffalo @ NY JETS (-3.5):

To be honest, I’d

prefer old “Buffalo Bill”

with Dabney Coleman.

Jets 23, Bills 19.

Indianapolis @ JACKSONVILLE (-1):

With Garrard’s fine play,

in the Jaguars’ future, could

Leftwich be Leftout?

Colts 30, Jaguars 21.

Philadelphia @ WASHINGTON (-1):

With D-backs healthy,

Philly’s defense could be a

fly in Campbell’s soup.

Eagles 22, Redskins 20.

Oakland @ CINCINNATI (-11):

The Raiders will fold

faster than Tim Krumrie’s leg

in the Super Bowl.

Bengals 31, Raiders 13.

New England @ MIAMI (+3.5):

FG’s shower scene

shows Tom digs Peter’s manboobs

over Tara’s rack.

Patriots 27, Dolphins 23.

Green Bay @ SAN FRANCISCO (-4.5):

He’s hurt – no, he’s fine.

The streak will roll – no, it won’t.

Retire already!

49ers 26, Packers 21.

Seattle @ ARIZONA (+3):

Denny Green’s outbursts

make me think it’s like having

Joan Crawford on staff.

Cardinals 26, Seahawks 24.

Denver @ SAN DIEGO (-7.5):

By the time I write

this little poem on the game,

LT will have scored.

Chargers 33, Broncos 17.

Chicago @ ST. LOUIS (+6):

On the backs of milk

cartons throughout St. Louis:

Have you seen Torry?

Bears 17, Rams 16.

Lock of the Week: Indianapolis

Trifecta: Indianapolis, San Francisco, Tennessee

Week Thirteen:

7-8-1 ATS

10-6 SU

1-0 LOTW

0-1 Trifecta

+$150

Overall:

88-100-3 ATS

121-70 SU

4-9 Lock

1-12 Trifecta

-$5,310